Broken But Not Destroyed
by Marie S Zachary
Summary: Jade went through a tramatic experience and is falling apart.  Can Beck reach her?  AU because Sicowitz died and Beck a 2nd year high school Hollywood Arts student is hired to replace him and for a lot of other reasons.  Flames will be flung back :
1. Beck's New Job

Disclaimer:

I don't own Victorious and a lot of things in this story could never happen in real life

**Beck's point of view**

* * *

It was the end of the summer. I got a call from Lane, the guidance consoler from Hollywood Arts. He asked me if we could meet. There was something he wanted to discuss with me. I said sure and we arranged to meet at 5 o'clock at the stage café.

I looked at my watch. I hoped he was on time. I had to meet Jade. She would kill me if I was late. Then I saw Lane.

He looked like he was crying.

"Lane," I said, "What's wrong?"

"We experienced a loss," Lane said, "Sicowitz passed away a few weeks ago"

I felt horrible for him. He was not only a teacher but a friend to the students.

"Is that what you needed to talk about," I asked.

"We want you to replace him," Lane explained, "You've taught acting classes before. It will just be for the year and you'd be paid $31,000 a month."

"Can I still date Jade?"

"Of course," Lane said.

"Can I still be friends with everyone?"

"Absolutely"

"I won't do it without a contract"

He handed me a one year contract and told me I would get credit for this year.

I read it and then signed it.


	2. Hiding From The Truth

**Jade's point of view**

Beck picks me up right on time for our date.

"Right on time," I say and I reward him with a kiss.

He wraps his arms around me and tells me all about what happened today.

"Wow Beck," I said, "that's really cool. Will we still be allowed to date?"

"I wouldn't have taken the job if that wasn't the case"

"So," I said, "my cousin's having a party next week. It's her first… want to go?"

"Sure," he said smiling at me, "and before you ask, yes"

I laughed.

"You know me too well," I told him.

"Well that or the fact that you've been asking seven times a day…maybe a little of both"

Suddenly my demeanor changed.

"Listen Beck," I told him, "let me make one thing clear. First of all-"

He shook his head playfully.

"You said **one **thing," he pointed out, "so there can't be a first of all"

"No matter what," I told him, "I am not **ever **going to room 10D again"

Room 10D was used as both an after school room and a detention room. It was also the room that the worst thing in my life happened while Beck was away on vacation.

"What do you have against that poor room," he teased me.

I couldn't tell him the truth; not yet. He couldn't know! I didn't even want to think about it. I wanted to believe it was just some nightmare.

The pain is deep and it cuts like a knife. I have to make something up.

"Our relationship is mature," I explained, "if there's a problem we can discuss it with one another"

Alright I know that was lame because I am saying one thing and still I can't tell him about what happened to me but he just grinned at me.

"I'm a sense of humor type of guy babe," he told me.

I shuttered. I could still hear Eli's voice whispering in an evil tone BABE before he penetrated me. He forced me to… I can't even think about it.

"Jade," he said gently, "you're crying"

Angrily I brush away a tear.

I just couldn't do this. I don't even know why I continued to live. But Beck couldn't know. It's bad enough my other friends know. I couldn't do that to Beck.


	3. Just Beck and the rest of the rules

Andre's point of view

I couldn't believe it when I walked into class today. Our teacher was Beck.

"Hey guys," he said, "so I brought been bag chairs. I figured that they would be more comfortable. So everyone grab a beanbag and sit your butts down"

Jade sat her butt down on Beck's lap. He wrapped his arms around her.

"Now," he said, "we will be working together every period of every day for this year. So I thought we should go through some basic rules first"

_Great, _I thought to myself, _rules_.

"First of all," Beck began, "you will **not **call me Mr. Oliver. Mr. Oliver is my father in law. I am Beck, **just Beck.**"

I grinned.

"Secondly," he said, "there will be no detentions. Instead if you do something against the rules you will have to perform an Abbott and Costello scene called WHO'S ON FIRST."

Everyone cheered.

"Third I want you to understand I am not in charge. We are a team.

"We share and share alike."

"Does that mean you're going to share your paycheck with us," Rex said

Everyone laughed.

"My paycheck is going to go to paying for things like field trips and a major end of the year party of the stepping kind"

The room thundered with applause.

Tori raised her hand.

"Excuse me Tori," Beck said, "what did you just do"

"Um.. raised my hand?"

"Well don't," Beck said, "if you have something to say then say it. You don't need permission to say it"

"Tomorrow Peter Pan is playing at the theater across the street," Tori said, "at 2 o'clock in the afternoon"

"And you're telling us this because," Beck asked.

"I thought maybe we could all go see it?"

"Sure. Tomorrow at 2 o'clock we have a field trip. Bring $20.00 to pay for the ticket.

"I saw the flyer. That's how much it cost"

"I can't go," Jade said quietly, "I'm broke"

"I'm not," Beck said, "I got you"

This was going to be a great year.

* * *

In this story they have the same teacher for each class... and yes I know a lot of this stuff could never happen in real life. It's AU and flames will be used to make hot dogs. Sorrow B.Y. but I like hot dogs better then Smores


	4. Never Free

Jade's point of view

We started off class today by playing a game called Spin for Truth or Dare. That was fun. Andre threw a spitball and Beck made him do WHO'S ON FIRST by himself. Everyone was laughing including Andre.

"Can I go to the bathroom," Andre asked.

"I hope so," Beck said, "if you can't you need to go to the doctor because something's wrong"

Everyone laughed again.

"Go," Beck said and Andre left.

After that Beck put on a video of Zombie Prom. It was my favorite show and the movie was almost as good.

"It's 1:30," Tori announced.

Beck looked at his watch.

"Yep," he said.

"The show is at 2 o'clock"

"Yep," Beck replied, "but the theater is across the street"

"Come on Beck," I said, "I want to do the 1:45 flying class"

"Sounds like fun," Beck said, "I think we should but it doesn't take fifteen minutes to cross the street."

We finished off the exercise and then went to the theater. We purchased our tickets.

"That will be $145.00"

"BULLSHIT," I said, "There are 5 people here. It's $20.00 per ticket. 5(20)=100. It does not equal 145. You want to rip someone off try someone else because you aren't going to rip off my friends and I"

Everyone applauded and the clerk handed us our tickets.

"Nice going babe," Beck said.

"Thanks," I mumbled.

Ever since what happened I HATE when someone calls me babe. It reminds me too much of what happened with Eli.

I cling to Beck and he holds me too him. He strokes my hair and I lean my head against his chest hearing and feeling the thumping of his heart. Finally I felt safe. Finally in his arms I felt free.

"Come on Jade," he told me, "we're going to miss the flying class if we don't hurry up"

I followed him and the rest of the class but when I saw the instructor tears filled my eyes. Eli was in jail so it couldn't have been him but the person I saw looked exactly like Eli. I couldn't breathe. I turned and ran.


	5. Beck Finds Out

Beck's Point of View

Jade calmed down once the show started but my nerves were jangled. I have never seen Jade freak out like this before. I tried to find out what happened to her but she just laughed it off. This wasn't funny. There was something that really was getting to her and I suspected it had to do with room 10D.

After the first act I caught up with Andre.

"Hey Andre," I said, "Do you know what's going on with Jade?"

"Yeah. She's upset about something?"

"Obvious much," I said, "I need to know what's going on with her."

Andre's point of view

It was clear that Jade didn't want Beck to know what happened. She blamed herself even though it wasn't her fault. Eli is the only one who was at fault. But Beck had to know. I saw a cleaning supply closet and pulled him in.

"Andre," he teased, "I like you but not like that"

"Beck you're not going to like what I'm about to tell you," I began

"And I repeat obvious much"

"Jade was raped over the summer," I told him, "while you were on vacation. She was in the hospital for close to the whole summer."

Beck's point of view

I felt like my heart just stopped in my chest. For a minute I thought I was dead. For another minute I thought I was going to be arrested for murder because I wanted to kill the son of a bitch who did that to my Jade, bring him back to life, beat the ever-loving **** out of him and kill him again in the most painful way possible.

"It gets worse," Andre said softly

How could it possibly get any worse?

"The boy who raped her was Eli Whitshell," Andre continued.

I promptly threw up. Eli was a boy in our school who was HIV+.

"Did Jade… did… I mean… She-"

"The first test showed up negative," Andre told me, "and so did the second test but the third test was unclear.

"She has to go through some more testing before we know for sure. She's on a new medication now to be on the safe side"

All of it was making sense. Now I understood why she wouldn't let me go further then kissing her and why she freaked out any time she was near room 10D. The rape most likely happened in room 10D.

Jade's point of view

After the show Beck found me and wrapped me in his arms protectively.

"You know," I said not so much a statement then a question.

He nodded.

"A-a-and you still love me"

"Jesus Jade," he told me, "There is nothing at all in this world that would make me NOT love you"


	6. Good News and Bad News

Jade's point of view

Beck dismissed class early so he and I could spend time together. He took me to the pier. It's a little carnival down by the beach. I'm not at the point where I can go there normally but Beck felt like this was important. I had my 4th A.I.D.S. test tomorrow.

I didn't want to be sick. I didn't want to leave Beck and my little sister. After our parents died Willow didn't have anyone but me.

"Beck," I said, "I need you to promise me that when I die-"

"That's not going to happen," Beck told me firmly, "They have a new treatment for H.I.V. even if you do have it"

"Yes," I said, "But it's not a treatment I can afford."

"I can," Beck said, "and that's final. I am not going to lose you"

That's right. Beck was earning a $^1(load of money.

"I'm not sure everyone else will appreciate that," I said with a sad smile.

"Jade they're your friends. They love you almost as much as I do. Besides we don't know what's going to happen right now. It probably won't be positive."

"But you will take e care of Willow if…"

"I promise Jade," he told me and kissed my lips gently.

Beck could tell I needed some distraction.

"Come on," he said, "I'll win you a stuffed bear"

He ended up winning me the gigantic tiger that everyone had wanted. I named her Becky after Beck.

`There was a little girl who was about Willow's age who really wanted the tiger. I felt my heart swell.

"Here you go sweetie," I said handing it to her, "Take care of her. Her name is Becky."

Beck put his arm around me.

Four hours later Beck and I were sitting in the doctor's office. They had just gotten the results of the fourth test. Doctor Oliver came out.

"Jade," he said gently, "I have good news and bad news. What do you want first?"

"Start with the good news," I said.

"The good news is your H.I.V. test came back negative. The bad news is that you have something called H.P.V. It causes cancer in rape victims and I'm afraid you have contracted it"

Beck squeezed my hand as the tears pour from my eyes.

* * *

Don't worry. Jade is not going to die. Lily it's not the same Eli


	7. Family protects their own

Jade's point of view

I couldn't believe it. I had cancer. Isn't cancer a death sentence?

"Am I going to die," I asked the doctor.

"Absolutely not," he told me firmly, "We caught it at the very early stages and it's definitely not fatal.

"Now we will have to run a simple pregnancy test," the doctor continued, "because if you're pregnant the treatment could harm your fetus and we would have to give you weaker treatment."

"I'm not pregnant," I said, "they tested me at the hospital when I was… you know. It was negative."

"We'll start you on a 9 day course of chemo," Doctor Oliver began, "and then we will test you again. The chemo will be dispensed through this pouch here."

He installed it.

"You may feel some discomfort and a little nauseated sometimes. The chemo is pretty mild"

"I can't afford this," I told him.

He just grinned at me like I was an idiot. \

Doctor Oliver's point of view

Jade is the girlfriend of my brother's son. I loved Beth, Beck and Belinda like they were my own. Beck loves Jade. I would NEVER charge Jade a cent for the treatment. I could easily cover the cost of the treatments.

* * *

Okay everyone the next chapter is going to have some humor in it. It's a karaokie showdown. I'm going to chose all the songs for the first one but next one I'll give you the theme and if you have any requests let me know and I'll use it


	8. Karaoke Showdown number 1

Tori's Point of View

Beck took us to the Karaoke Showdown today. The theme was children's songs.

"Okay," Nina, the owner of the café that does the Karaoke showdown asked, "who's going to go first"

I raised my hand. I had chosen A Hunting We Will Go.

_A hunting we will go, a hunting we will go_  
_Heigh ho, the dairy-o, a hunting we will go.  
A hunting we will go, a hunting we will go  
We'll catch a fox and put him in a box  
And then we'll let him go. _

A hunting we will go, a hunting we will go  
Heigh ho, the dairy-o, a hunting we will go  
A hunting we will go, a hunting we will go  
We'll catch a fish and put him on a dish  
And then we'll let him go.

A hunting we will go, a hunting we will go  
Heigh ho, the dairy-o, a hunting we will go  
A hunting we will go, a hunting we will go  
We'll catch a bear and cut his hair  
And then we'll let him go.

A hunting we will go, a hunting we will go  
Heigh ho, the dairy-o, a hunting we will go  
A hunting we will go, a hunting we will go  
We'll catch a pig and dance a little jig  
And then we'll let him go

A hunting we will go, a hunting we will go  
Heigh ho, the dairy-o, a hunting we will go  
A hunting we will go, a hunting we will go

_We'll catch a giraffe and make him laugh_

_And then we'll let him go!_

Beck's point of view

The next person who went was a problem. It was a problem because his name was Eli. I saw Jade's face pale. I squeezed her hand.

"It's not the same Eli," I reminded her.

He chose the song, Alice The Camel. It was a fun song and soon everyone, even Jade was laughing and singing alone.

_Alice the camel has five humps.  
Alice the camel has five humps.  
Alice the camel has five humps.  
So go, Alice, go. _

Alice the camel has four humps.  
Alice the camel has four humps.  
Alice the camel has four humps.  
So go, Alice, go.

Alice the camel has three humps.  
Alice the camel has three humps.  
Alice the camel has three humps.  
So go, Alice go.

Alice the camel has two humps.  
Alice the camel has two humps.  
Alice the camel has two humps.  
So go, Alice, go.

Alice the camel has one hump.  
Alice the camel has one hump.  
Alice the camel has one hump.  
So go, Alice, go.

Alice the camel has no humps.  
Alice the camel has no humps.  
Alice the camel has no humps  
Cause Alice is a horse of course!

Jade decided to go next and she chose a challenging one.

"Come on up," Nina said.

_Alouette, gentille Alouette  
Alouette je te plumerai  
Alouette, gentille Alouette  
Alouette je te plumerai  
Je te plumerai la tete  
Je te plumerai la tete__  
Et la tte, et la tete  
Alouette, Alouette  
O-o-o-o-oh  
Alouette, gentille Alouette  
Alouette Je te plumerai  
Alouette, gentille Alouette  
Alouette je te plumerai  
Alouette, gentille Alouette  
Alouette je te plumerai  
Je te plumerai le nez  
Je te plumerai le nez  
Et le nez, et le nez  
Alouette, Alouette  
O-o-o-o-oh  
Alouette, gentille Alouette  
Alouette je te plumerai  
Alouette, gentille Alouette  
Alouette je te plumerai  
Alouette, gentille Alouette  
Alouette je te plumerai  
Je te plumerai les yeux  
Je te plumerai les yeux  
Et les yeux, et les yeux  
Alouette, Alouette  
O-o-o-o-oh  
Alouette, gentille Alouette  
Alouette Je te plumerai  
Alouette, gentille Alouette  
Alouette Je te plumerai  
Alouette, gentille Alouette  
Alouette je te plumerai  
Je te plumerai le cou  
Je te plumerai le cou  
Et le cou, et le cou  
Alouette, Alouette  
O-o-o-o-oh  
Alouette, gentille Alouette  
Alouette je te plumerai  
Alouette, gentille Alouette  
Alouette je te plumerai  
Alouette, gentille Alouette  
Alouette Je te plumerai  
Je te plumerai les ailes  
Je te plumerai les ailes  
Et les ailes, et les ailes  
Alouette, Alouette  
O-o-o-o-oh  
Alouette, gentille Alouette  
Alouette Je te plumerai  
Alouette, gentille Alouette  
Alouette Je te plumerai  
Alouette, gentille Alouette  
Alouette Je te plumerai  
Je te plumerai le dos  
Je te plumerai le dos  
Et le dos, et le dos  
Alouette, Alouette  
O-o-o-o-oh  
Alouette, gentille Alouette  
Alouette Je te plumerai  
Alouette, gentille Alouette  
Alouette Je te plumerai  
Alouette, gentille Alouette  
Alouette Je te plumerai  
Je te plumerai les pattes  
Je te plumerai les pattes  
Et les pattes, et les pattes  
Alouette, Alouette  
O-o-o-o-oh  
Alouette, gentille Alouette  
Alouette Je te plumerai  
Alouette, gentille Alouette  
Alouette Je te plumerai  
Alouette, gentille Alouette  
Alouette je te plumerai  
Je te plumerai la queue  
Je te plumerai la queue  
Et la queus, et la queue  
Alouette, Alouette  
O-o-o-o-oh  
Alouette, gentille Alouette  
Alouette je te plumerai_

Thunderous cheering filled the room. I was so proud of my Jade. She had accomplished something that was nearly impossible. I'm not talking about the song either.

"Okay my turn," Trina said.

I knew this was going to be awful. Trina is a dear friend and I love her but she is no singer.

"This is a song," she said, "that I used to sing to my sister Tori when we were little and she was having a bad day. Jade this song is dedicated to you and to Tori.

_All night, all day,  
Angels watching over me, my Father  
All night, all day,  
Angels watching over me.  
Sun is a-setting in the West;  
Angels watching over me, my Father  
Sleep my sister, take your rest;  
Angels watching over me.  
All night, all day  
Angels watching over me, my Father  
All night, all day,  
Angels watching over me_

Jade had tears in her eyes and I couldn't tell if they were happy tears or sad tears. It turned out they were grateful tears.

"Thank you Trina," she said, "that means a lot to me"

She hugged her.

Cat went next. She chose Bah, Bah, Black Sheep. First however she went into a ½ hour talk about why Black Sheep were just as beautiful as white sheep.

"Cat," I said, "I want to hear the song already"

"WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN," she cried.

"It means you have a beautiful voice and I want to hear you sing," I said smoothly.

_Baa, baa, black sheep,_  
_Have you any wool?_  
_Yes sir, yes sir,_  
_Three bags full. _

_One for the master,_  
_One for the dame,_  
_And one for the little boy_  
_Who lives down the lane. _

_Baa, baa, black sheep,_  
_Have you any wool?_  
_Yes sir, yes sir,_  
_Three bags full._

She had a beautiful voice. Everyone thought so.

"I thought yours was better," I told Jade in a whisper.

Andre was next and then Robbie and Rex would go. Andre chose a song with a beat.

_B A Bay, B E Bee_  
_B I Bickie Bye B O Bo_  
_Bickie Bye Bo B U Boo_  
_Bickie Bye Bo Boo_  
_C A Say, C E See_  
_C I Sickie Sye C O So_  
_Sickie Sye So C U Soo_  
_Sickie Sye So Soo_  
_D A Day, D E Dee_  
_D I Dickie Dye D O Doe_  
_Dickie Dye Doe D U Do_  
_Dickie Dye Doe Do_  
_F A Fay, F E Fee_  
_F I Fickie Fye F O Foe_  
_Fickie Fye Foe F U Foo_  
_Fickie Fye Foe Foo_

"Rex," Robbie said, "How about we do Baby Beluga"

"How bout I baby your beluga," Rex said

"That doesn't even make any sense," Robbie argued.

"Fine. You want to do Baby Beluga we'll do Baby Beluga but you owe me"

"Like what," Robbie asked.

"Like you NEVA PUT ME IN THAT BAG AGAIN!"

Robbie agreed.

"Or anywhe' else," Rex added, "an' you treat me with r e s p e c t"

Baby Beluga in the deep blue sea,  
Swim so wild and swim so free.  
Heaven above and the sea below,  
And a little white whale on the go!

_Baby Beluga, Baby Beluga_  
_Is the water warm,_  
_Is your mother home_  
_With you so happy?_  
_Way down yonder where the dolphins play,_  
_Where you dive and splash all day,|_  
_Waves roll in and the waves roll out,_  
_See the water squirting out of your spout!_  
_Baby Beluga, Baby Beluga_  
_Sing your little song,_  
_Sing for all your friends,_  
_We like to hear you._  
_When it's dark, you're home and fed_  
_Curled up snug in your water bed._  
_Moon is shining and the stars are out,_  
_Good night, little whale, good night!_  
_Baby Beluga, Baby Beluga_  
_With tomorrow's sun,_  
_Another day's begun,_  
_You'll soon be waking._  
_Baby Beluga in the deep blue sea,_  
_Swim so wild and swim so free._  
_Heaven above and the sea below,_  
_And a little white whale on the go_  
_You're just a little white whale on the go!_

Everyone applauded.

* * *

Thank you to the reviewer who asked about Jade being pregnant with Beck's baby. Jade isn't pregnant. She won't even let Beck slip his tounge into her mouth since the incident and she was a virgin before the incident as you will learn soon


	9. A Look Into Jade's Soul

Jade's Diary Entry—September 23rd

_School started three days ago. Beck is the teacher which is __**awesome**__. Anything else in my life sucks. I'm sixteen-years-old, mother to my four-year-old little sister. I have no parents anymore since they died and I sure as hell wasn't going to let my sister and I be split up in foster care so I have somehow been hiding the fact that my parents passed. _

_Keeping up the charades has been HELL but somehow I'm managing to pull it off. It's really hard when you're a sixteen year old mother of a four-year-old. It means that you're responsible for yourself and another life in this case the life of my sister. This summer, when I was in the hospital Cat and her family took care of Willow. I was so grateful to her for that._

_Willow is my reason for not giving up. There have been so many times when I thought… a knife to my throat would end it right then and there. I wouldn't wake up nights from nightmares remembering the helplessness I felt as that SON OF A BITCH stole my innocence. I know it comes as a surprise to you but I was a virgin. When they tested me for pregnancy and it turned out negative I was so relieved. _

_Don't get me wrong—I would never have aborted my baby if I were pregnant and I would have loved him or her… or them. It wouldn't have been his or her or their fault that this happened to me but a baby or babies would have been a reminder of my rape. Besides I have a baby already… a 4-year-old. She's the only reason I don't kill myself right then and there._

_Beck did the sweetest thing today. I swear it made me cry. He handed me a slip. I looked at him confused because 1) he'd said none of that stuff 2) there wasn't anything going on and 3) it was blank. He whispered to me that I should turn it over._

_On the back he had written me the most beautiful love poem. It was only four lines. It read 'All I see is you/All I need is you/ All I want is you/ The air that I breathe is you. So now I have two reasons to live. Beck and Willow are my life._

_Beck is taking me and Willow to the pier tonight. I am so excited. Willow is excited too. I wouldn't get by if it weren't for Beck. I wouldn't get by if it weren't for Willow either._

_Jade_

She put her journal away just as Willow came in.

"Mommy," Willow said, "can you make me a gill cheese sandwhith?"

Willow smiled and got up to make it for her sister.

"Come on Princess," she said.

* * *

Just a couple of notes so you understand. Jade has been raising Willow from babyhood so Willow knows Jade as mommy and Beck as Daddy


	10. My Sweet Reason

Jade's point of view

"Mommy," Willow said.

I looked up from making the grilled cheese.

"What is it sweetheart," I asked her gently.

"When ist daddy going to be here and take us to the pier?"

I put the grilled cheese on a plate, turned off the stove, picked Willow up and snuggled her close to me.

"He'll be here when the big hand of the clock is on the twelve," I told her and the big hand of the clock is on the six."

I saw her trying to work that out in her mind. She starts nursery school next year and so I've been trying to work with her on basic skills she will need.

"Oh," she said, "thoo that would be six o'clock then"

I rewarded her with a potato chip.

I don't like Willow having sweets too often. She's boarder-line diabetic and the doctors told me with the proper treatment we could get her blood sugar down to normal before it turns into actual diabetes.

"Good job Wills," I told her using my nickname for her, "Now it's time to test your blood sugar level. Should we test it on your finger or on your chin?"

"Why can't we get the testing thpplies that don't hurt," Willow whined.

"B- you know what. I bet we can. Daddy's uncle is a Doctor and he can get it for us. But we can't get it till tomorrow so should we test on your finger or on your chin"

"Chin," Willow said with a smile

I tested her blood sugar just like I was taught to do.

"I witsh I didn't have this wrong with me"

"I have a yucky too," I told her.

I refer to health problems as yucky's.

"A bad yucky," she asked.

"A medium yucky," I said, "but I'll be okay. So will you,' I added. Then I held up the cookie cutters.

"Okay Wills," I said, "Do you want to cut the sandwich into hearts or crowns."

"Stars," Willow said.

I smiled and got out the stars cookie cutter.

After lunch Willow started running around a little too much.

"Willow," I said gently, "Calm down time. Go sit on the easy chair and we'll read a story together."

"Tindewella," she told me.

I got the book.

I started to read it to her.

"Once upon a time," I began but she fell asleep. I held her while she was sleeping. She woke up when Beck came in and ran into his arms.

"!"


	11. Beck Other Girl

Willow's Point of View

Daddy tickled me and played with me for a few minutes. Mommy looked sick and said she had to go to the bathroom.

"What's wrong wif mommy," I asked daddy.

"Mommy just has a tummy bug,"

"How did a bug get in her tummy," I asked

Beck's Point of View

"I started to explain it to Willow when Jade came out.

"Beck," she said, "I don't really feel so hot. Could you take Willow to the pier and I'll meet you guys back here?"

"Mommy what's wrong," Willow asked looking terrified.

"I'm just tired Wills," Jade explained, "I'm going to take a nap and then I'm going to make you a really special treat"

Jade's Point of View

"Okay," Beck said, "but you two are staying at the R.V. tonight with me and that's final"

Beck almost never says that's final so when he does it means there's no room for argument. I wasn't going to argue anyway. I loved it when Willow and I stayed in Beck's RV. Willow loves it too.

Beck's point of view

I lift Willow up and carry her down to the pier. She wanted to ride the fairy roller coaster but she was afraid to go on.

"Can you go on wif me daddy," she asked.

Normally I would have balked at that but his is my Willow.

"Of course," I said and I put my arm around her and squeezed into a small roller coaster.

Jade's point of view

After puking my guts up for ten minutes I felt a lot better. I don't know why they call it Chemo. They should call it poison. I hate feeling so sick. I have nine more weeks of that to go. "

Willow and Beck got home at 8 o'clock. She jumped up in my arms.

"Is the bug out of your tummy mommy," she asked.

I looked at Beck and he explained.

"Oh yeah," I said, "the bug is out of my tummy."

Willow is the only person I don't mind sharing Beck with. She was I think the only person Beck, loves more then he loves me. She's the only person I loved more then I love Beck. Willow starts running around. I start to say Calm down time but Beck steps in seeing she needed to run around.

"Willow," he said, "You can't jump on the stairs but why don't we go over to the RV and you can jump on the trampoline I have out in my backyard."

"YAY! I love that," she said.

We packed two bags one for me and one for Willow and then we headed to Beck's RV.

Little did we know what was going to happen.


	12. Impromptu

Beck's Point of View

My little sister Pamela was born with a condition called BBS. After she died my sister Belinda was born. I'm the second of four. It was my sister Beth then me then my sister Pamela and then Belinda. Willow was like my own little girl however.

So as you can imagine I was watching her VERY carefully as she was jumping on the trampoline. She got off the trampoline just fine. But then she tripped and fell on the step of my house when I was holding her hand.

Jade's Point of View

Willow's sobbing filled the room. Quickly I rushed to her side as Beck called his uncle.

Doctor Oliver came over, examined her ankle and sighed in relief.

"It's just a sprain," he told Beck and I and gave us some instructions on how to treat it. He also gave us the pain free testing supplies.

"Thank you so much," I told him, "what do I owe you?"

He gave me a stern look.

Tori's point of view

Around eight o'clock I got a call from Beck. He said to meet him at the RV. When I got there the rest of the class was there.

"Okay guys impromptu assignment," he said, "Willow sprained her ankle and she's really board so I want you guys, JADE AND I TO PUT ON A PROFORMANCE OF Cinderella. It's her favorite story"

Willow's point of view

Mommy was Cinderella. Daddy was the prince. Mommy's friend Cat was the fairy Godmother. Her friend Andre was the stepmother. Tori and Trina were the stepsisters.

They made two more stepsisters too. It was played by Robbie and Rex. It was so funny I laughed my head off even though my head is still on my neck. I loved it.

Andre's point of view

There are very few people who I would dress up as a woman and be called evil for. Willow is one of those people. I love that little girl so much. As we were leaving she was falling asleep. I hugged Jade and Beck goodbye.

Beck's point of view

I gave Willow the bed and Jade and I slept on the pullout couch. Jade let me hold her but not touch her sexually. It didn't matter. I didn't want to touch her sexually after what happened to her because I wanted HER to be in control of it. Tomorrow we'd be going to a puppet show and taking Willow with us.


	13. Ispy

Jade's Point of view

Willow wasn't allowed to put her foot down so Beck and I took turns carrying her. It was pretty easy. She only weighed about 45 pounds. When Beck's arms got tired he would pass her to me and when my arms would get tired I would pass her to Beck.

"Can I hold her for a little while," Cat asked when we were at the park.

We decided the park would be a great place to begin the day. It was fun and there was a lot of room for a picnic and some games. Willow suggested I-spy.

"Great idea Wills," Beck said, "Want to go first."

Willow nodded.

"I spy wif my twittle eye somefing gween"

We knew it was the grass.

"Um," Tori guessed, "is it the sand"

Willow's laughter filled my heart.

"No silly," she said, "the grass itsn't gween"

Next it was Andre's turn.

"Is it the rainbow up in the sky," he asked.

Finally someone guessed the grass but she said, "Nu-uh. It's the leaves up in the twees"

"That was a good one Wills," I said

After that we play tag without running. Well, Willow didn't run. We took turns pushing her on a cart. She absolutely loved it.

Suddenly I spied something I didn't want to spy. It was my ex-friend Rachel. She was my best friend until after the rape happened.

**Flashback**

_Rachel had come to visit me in the hospital._

_ "Come on Jade think," she said, "What did you do the make him rape you?"_

"_EXCUSE ME!"_

_I was beyond angry._

"_Well maybe you didn't even know it but did you flirt with him a little too much? Were you too revealing?_

_ "Men don't just rape girls for no reason"_

"_If you don't get out of here," I told her, "I'm gonna reveal my dark side"_

"_It gets darker," she said and left._

_End of flashback_

"We need to go," I told Beck and hurried out with everyone following after me and Willow in my arms.


	14. With Friends Like You

Beck's point of view

Quickly I took Willow from Jade, gave her to Cat and followed Jade out into the parking-lot.

"Diamond what happened," I asked rubbing her back. Diamond is my nickname for her. Her name may be Jade but to me she's as precious as a diamond and as beautiful as a diamond as well. She clung onto me like she would never let go.

Jade buried her face into my chest. She cried as I stroked her hair. Finally once she had calmed down and my shirt looked like I had fallen into the ocean she spoke.

"That was Rachel I saw in the park. She used to be my best friend before the rape… but when it happened she went to visit me one day and pretty much blamed me for what happened.

"She said that men don't rape girls for no reason. I must have flirted with him or was too revealing"

"That girl doesn't know what she's talking about," I said angrily.

It was a good thing Rachel wasn't here right now because I would have punched her in the face. How dare she say that!

Rachel's Point of View

I am walking home when I spot Jade, my best friend. I walk up to say hello and Beck stares me down.

"Leave," he said calmly but angrily, "now"

"Why,' I asked.

"You really have to ask that," he said, "after what you said to Jade?"

I was only trying to help Jade. If she knew what she had done wrong then she could make sure it never happened again. Men don't just do what Eli Whiteshell did to Jade for no reason. Something had to cause it. I explained that to him but he stern demeanor didn't change.

"Don't let the door hit you on the way out," he said, "or better yet, do!"

I couldn't believe he didn't get it from my point of view."

"I was just trying to help," I argued, "and be a good friend!"

"With friends like you who needs enemies," Beck said

I walked away confused and not understanding why they weren't grateful for my advice.

Cat's Point of View

Jade and Beck came back a little while later.

"Hi guys," I said

"Hey Cat. So who's up for some shopping?"

"Cool," I said, "where are we going?"

Andre's point of view

"Children's toy store," Jade said

I groaned, Willow cheered.

"First we have to check Willow's sugar level," Jade said

It was very low.

"Cat," Jade said, "do you have a piece of candy or something?"


	15. Teaser

Jade's Point of View

Willow's blood sugar wasn't dangerously low but it was low enough that I was a little concerned. Unfortunately nobody had anything sweet on them. Damn, how could I forget to bring something sweet with me, I silently chided myself. Beck put his hand on my shoulders comfortingly. If it weren't for him I would have freaked out.

Beck's point of view

I made a quick decision as I looked across the street. There was a little café that sold chocolate milkshakes. It was costly but we could get Willow a milkshake and some lunch. We would head to the toy store after that. That would give us ½ an hour to get to the show.

The show we were seeing was Sleeping Beauty. It was another one of Willow's favorites. I lifted Willow up.

"Follow me," I told everyone.

I led the way to the café.

Willow's point of view

Daddy took us over to the café across the street. Mommy and daddy even let me get chocolate milk. I got a grilled cheese and fries too. I loved it. Then cousin Rex started teasing me.

Robbie's point of view

"You know they prob'ly put bugs in the sandwich," Rex teased.

Beck shot a stern look at Rex as Willow jumped in his arms.

"Rex!"

"What! You got a problem wit that," Rex asked.

"If you don't stop teasing Willow," Beck told Rex-

"Uh-uh-uh… what was it you said fou' days ago"

"REX STOP IT," I scolded him, "or I won't take you to see Time and Again"

That was his favorite movie.

"Shutting up now," Rex said.

"Thank you Robbie," Beck told me with a hint of annoyance in his voice.

Beck's point of view

Everyone knows that Robbie and Rex are the same person. Rex is just a puppet. Robbie talks for him. At least I think that's the case because if it's not that's just messed up.

I planned to have a talk with Robbie about this after the show. Meanwhile… Willow was ready to go see the show. We put her in the RV and laid her on a bed on with her ankle elevated. The show went over without a hitch. After I went to have a chat with Robbie.

* * *

The next chapter is going to be Beck and Robbie's talk. It will be chatform. Btw the next showdown is going to have the theme country songs so if you have any requests let me know


	16. Discipline of the Weakest Kind

Chat between Beck and Robbie

Beck: Robbie we need to have a talk

Robbie: Sure. What's up?

Beck: I don't like the way that you were teasing Willow.

Robbie: I wasn't teasing Willow… Rex was.

Beck: (trying to stay patient) Come on Robbie. Rex is a puppet

Robbie: Rex isn't a puppet.

Beck: Willow is not to be teased. Do I make myself clear!

Robbie: Don't call Rex a puppet?

Beck: Can we get back to the point. You are responsible for Rex

Robbie: What's that supposed to mean?

Beck: What are you Cat now?

Cat: WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN!

Beck: (Gently) It's okay Cat. I just need to finish talking with Robbie. Why don't you go play with Willow.

Cat: Yay I love Willow!

Beck: I know and she loves you too

Cat: (Leaves to go play with Willow)

Beck: As I was saying you are responsible for Rex. If Rex says something it's your responsibility. Rex is a puppet and as of this moment until Monday he's no longer your puppet. I'm taking him and you can have him back on Monday.

* * *

((Twenty minutes later))

Cat: Beck, I think there's something wrong with Robbie

Beck: Why do you say that Cat?

Cat: What's that supposed to mean!

Beck: Why do you think something's wrong with Robbie?

Cat: He's in the bedroom rocking back and forth hysterical saying, "! !"

Beck: Thanks Cat. I'll talk to him

* * *

((In the bedroom))

Beck: Robbie, open the door

Robbie: REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEX!

Jade: (Kicks the door in)

Beck: Thanks Jade

Robbie: (Rocks back and forth and continues to shout )

Beck: (gently) Robbie, look at me

Robbie: (Looks at Beck still screaming REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEX)

Beck: Robbie you need to calm down

Robbie: REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEX!

Rex: I'm here Robbie. It'll be okay. Jus' hold'on buddy

Robbie: REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEX!

Beck: Robbie you need to calm down

Robbie: I NEED REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEX!

Beck: W-w-why do you need Rex

Robbie: He's my friend!

Beck: I'm your friend too and so is Jade and so is Willow and Tori and Andre and Trina.

Robbie: Why would you take REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEX?

Beck: I didn't take him. I'm just holding onto him for a little while. It's just a couple of days. You'll get him back on Monday.

Rex: Dude you are so playing favorites.

Robbie: !

Beck: How am I playing favorites? Never mind that. Robbie you need to calm down.

Robbie: I can't calm down without !

Beck: Robbie you're going to scare Willow!

Robbie: And you're going to scare REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEX!

Rex: It's okay Buddy. Just hold on

Robbie: (at the same time) REX!

Beck: You're getting pretty good at that

Robbie: (Puts his thumb in his mouth and starts whimpering) Rex, Rex, Rex

Beck: Okay… (Soothingly) Robbie its okay. Here, you can have Rex back (Hands him the puppet)

Robbie: (Dries his eyes and hugs Beck then hugs Rex)

Beck: Now why don't you go and watch the movie with the rest of us

Robbie: (nods)

* * *

((Robbie and Beck goes out into the other room))

Willow: Cousin Robbie are you okay… you sounded sad?

Robbie: I am now sweetheart.

Willow: Can I hold cousin Rex?

Robbie: Sure. (Hands Rex to Willow as he watches the movie with the rest of them)

Beck: (To Jade) what is it with Robbie and that puppet

Jade: Rex gives Robbie confidence

* * *

Yes I know Beck is not normally the disciplinarian type but he was mad at Robbie for scaring Willow and I wanted to add some humor to the story plus he gave Rex back that day didn't he?


	17. Robbie's Confession

This chapter was inspired by the story REX by **shadowspirit13**

* * *

Beck's point of view

I know that Rex gave Robbie confidence but I couldn't shake the feeling it was something deeper then that. I had to find out what was really going on. Why did Robbie have such a meltdown about Rex… a puppet? Why would he use Rex to scare Willow? That wasn't the Robbie I know and love.

When Jade and Willow are asleep I ask him about it.

"Rex," Robbie said, "is my little brother"

I blink at him.

"Your mother gave birth to a puppet," I asked.

Robbie shook his head.

"I'll let Rex tell you," he said, "but you have swear not to tell **anyone **and I do mean **nobody**"

I nodded. I would tell Jade but make her swear not to tell anyone. Robbie put duct tape across his mouth and nodded at Rex.

"I was born when Robbie was 5," Rex began.

I knew Robbie was a good ventriloquist. I'm seen him throw his voice even without Rex. But for some reason I could never understand he could only do the Rex voice when Rex was there. Of course now I understood why. Robbie wasn't Rex but Rex's brother.

Rex went on to explain that he was murdered when he was 6 and Robbie was 11. It was the day Robbie got his doll. He had somehow transported his spirit into his brother's doll. I was shocked and I can understand why Rex was so mean. I mean he sent his life in a DOLL!

"Robbie I'm sorry," I said, "I really thought it was you"

"Its fine," Robbie told me, "no worries"

"And Rex," I said calmly, "I understand why you're so angry but if you ever scare Willow like that again I'm going to through you in a woodchopper and turn you into splinters"

"BECK," Robbie exclaimed who had already untapped himself, "I will handle him."

I nodded.

I wasn't really going to do that. I was just angry with him for scaring Willow.

"Oh Beck there's just one more thing?"

"Yeah Rex?"

"You said whoever broke the rules has to do WHO'S ON FIRST as a punishment"

I did say that.

"And?"

"You broke your own rules so tomorrow you got to do WHO'S ON FIRST"

"Fair enough," I said, "I'll see you guys tomorrow."

Then I said goodnight and walked into the RV… soon falling asleep with Willow on my chest and my free hand stroking Jade's hair.


	18. Funny Isn't Funny anymore

Beck's Point of View

Because of Willow's sprain we met in my R.V. again. I figured who's on first would keep Willow entertained.

"Okay everyone," I said, "to begin with **I'm **going to do a performance of WHO'S ON FIRST"

"Why," Andre asked, "what rule did you break?"

"Robbie knows," I said smiling at him.

"Well Costello, I'm going to New York with you. You know Bucky Harris-"

"Cousin Andre's last name is Harris," Willow said excitedly.

"That's right Willow," Andre said and motioned for me to continue. Continue I did

the Yankee's manager, gave me a job as coach for as long as you're on the team."

"Look Abbott, if you're the coach, you must know all the players.

"I certainly do.

"Well you know I've never met the guys. So you'll have to tell me their names, and then I'll know who's playing on the team.

"Oh, I'll tell you their names, but you know it seems to me they give these ball players now-a-days very peculiar names.

"You mean funny names?

"Strange names, pet names…like Dizzy Dean…

"His brother Daffy.

Daffy Dean

"And their French cousin.

"French?"

Goofè.

"Goofè Dean. Well, let's see, we have on the bags, Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know is on third..."

"That's what I want to find out."

"I say who's on first, what's on second, I Don't Know's on third."

"Are you the manager?"

"Yes."

"You gonna be the coach too?"

"Yes."

"And you don't know the fellows' names?"

"Well I should"

"Well then who's on first?"

"Yes."

"I mean the fellow's name."

"Who".

"The guy on first".

"Who".

"The first baseman".

"Who".

"The guy playing"...

"Who is on first!"

"I'm asking YOU who's on first"

"That's the man's name"

"That's who's name?"

"Yes."

"Well go ahead and tell me."

"That's it."

"That's who?"

"Yes".

Willow laughed. She loved this routine.

"Look, you gotta first baseman?"

"Certainly"

"Who's playing first?"

"That's right."

"When you pay off the first baseman every month, who gets the money?"

"Every dollar of it."

"All I'm trying to find out is the fellow's name on first base."

"Who"

"The guy that gets"

"That's it."

"Who gets the money"

"He does, every dollar. Sometimes his wife comes down and collects it."

"Whose wife?"

"Yes."

"So everyone how many of you guys are getting confused?"

"I am," Willow said, "but I wove it"

"What's wrong with that?"

"Look, all I wanna know is when you sign up the first baseman, how does he sign his name?"

"Who."

"The guy."

"Who."

"How does he sign..."

"That's how he signs it."

"Who?"

"Yes."

"So," I asked trying to teach them a little something, "why do you think the new team player is so confused"

"Cause the names are stupid," Rex suggested

"REX," Robbie scolded.

"Well Robbie Rex is right," I told him, "the names are stupid.

"All I'm trying to find out is what's the guy's name on first base."

"No. What is on second base."

"I'm not asking you who's on second."

"Who's on first."

'One base at a time!"

"Well, don't change the players around."

"I'm not changing nobody!"

"Take it easy, buddy."

"I'm only asking you, who's the guy on first base?"

"That's right."

"Ok."

"All right."

Jade looked like she was about to throw up.

Jade's point of view

I felt myself shaking. Tears fell from my eyes

Beck ran over to me.

"Jade," he asked me, "What happened?"

I handed Beck my phone. Eli had sent me a message.

_**ONE OF THOSE DAYS I'M GOING TO GET OUT OF JAIL AND WHEN I DO YOU'RE D E A D! DEAD!**_


	19. Making Plans

Gary Mauer is a real person. He is my fav actor and one of my heros because of something he said once.

* * *

Tori's point of view

The next day, Willow was feeling better so she went to day care and we met in the usual place. Beck had spoken to the police who had spoken to the judge who had told Beck and Jade that Eli had gotten life in prison with the possibility of parole. It was later discovered that it wasn't even Eli sending the message. It was his sister who was angry about the fact that Eli was sent to prison. Apparently it didn't matter to his sister that he had RAPED MY FRIEND.

"I am so excited," I told them.

"Why," Beck had asked

"Gary Mauer, he's my favorite actor and he's going to be doing a concert in October… October 10th in Philly and it's going to be on TV"

"Why not go there," Andre said, "and see the concert in person. We could make it a 3-week-trip"

Beck's point of view

Everyone else nodded talking enthusiastically.

"I'm cool with it," I said, "but how would we get there?"

"The same way we got to Venus beach," Rex said

"I don't think I can drive that far all on my own," I said, "I think I would be a little too tired"

"We can take turns driving," Andre said.

That sounded okay to me.

"Me first," Tori said.

I was a little nervous about that. Tori had just gotten her drivers license and she had never driven an R.V. before so I didn't know how comfortable I was with that idea.

"Okay," I said, "but I'm going to give you private lessons on how to drive an R.V. before you attempt such a drive"

"I'm next," Rex said

"There is no way in hell," I replied.

"Why?"

"Well for one thing YOU'RE A PUPET!"

"I'll go next," Robbie said and I nodded approvingly writing that on the board.

"I'll go after Robbie," Andre said

I put his name down next

"I'll go after," Cat said

I put her name under his.

"But I want to give you some private lessons too"

"What's that supposed to mean," Cat asked

"Exactly what it sounded like," I said and put my name after hers. Then I put Jade's name in.

"Next," I said, "what are we going to pack for a 3 week trip?"

"We're taking Willow," Jade said, "so we'll need all sorts of things for her.

"We're going to need movies and books and toys and dolls and appropriate clothes for her."

"Yes," I said, "Plus her testing supplies and the emergency kit. Now what else are we going to need"

We made a list of everything we were going to need and then we started planning the itinerary. Lane said it would make a great cultural experience and approved right away.


	20. Facing Room 10D

Beck's point of view

Lane may have approved it right away but principal Ikner insisted on seeing an itinerary. So when we got back I explained the deal to my friends.

"Okay," I said, "Principal Ikner said that we can go BUT we have to have an itinerary which is educational and cultural."

"We could visit the Masonic temple," Robbie suggested

"I think Willow would enjoy that," Jade said.

Jade's point of view

We came up with a ton of ideas including the liberty bell and heresy park.

"Jade," Beck said, "Why don't you and I take it to principal Ikner"

"Sure," I said, "Where is he?"

Beck's silence gave me the answer.

"I can't," I said, "I can't go in there"

Beck's point of view

"Jade," I told her gently, "Look at me"

She looked up.

"I know you're scared," I told her, "but you have to do this. You cannot let Eli win"

"I CAN'T DO THIS," she exclaimed nearly hysterical.

Jade's point of View

"Yes you can," he told me firmly, "You **CAN **do this. I'll be right here with you the whole time and we'll be in and out in less then a minute"

I sniffled.

"You promise," I asked him.

"I swear"

Beck's point of View

In an act of complete trust Jade took my hand. She walked very slowly as if she were made of glue.

"It's okay Jade," I told her, "You're doing great"

She had to face this. I couldn't let Eli continue to torment her anymore.

Jade's point of View

As we neared the room I started to feel like I was going to burst into tears.

"BECK I CAN'T DO THIS," I said

He held me to him.

"You can," he said, "This room holds good memories too not just bad ones"

He held my hand as I walked in.

Beck's point of view

I handed the itinerary to principal Ikner who then looked it over and approved it. Jade looked like she was going to have a coronary right there on the spot.

"We have to go," I told Principal Ikner motioning to Jade. As we left I hugged Jade who was crying uncontrollably.

"You did it baby," I told her, "and you did great."

Jade's point of view

I was still shaking and crying but I felt different. I felt… well I felt like a winner and I told Beck as much.

"You are," he said, "You faced room 10D and you won. I am so proud of you Jade"

I was proud too and I was beginning to heal


	21. Funny Girl

Jade's point of view

Today was a good day. I faced my fear of room 10D and it was the end of my first round of chemo. This one didn't affect me too bad and I figured it can only get easier. I knew I was far from better but it was step one. Beck also made me sign up for those support groups of girls and guys who have gone through what I did.

To celebrate the great day I was having I took Willow to the amusement park while Beck taught Tori to drive the R.V.

"Mommy," Willow said, "I want a hot pretzel"

"What's the magic word," I asked her gently.

"Abracadabra"

I laughed till my sides hurt.

"Try again," I told her, "It sounds like cheese"

"Crackers?"

"Sounds like peas," I told her again.

"Oh peeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeas," she asked.

That was her way of saying please.

I nodded.

"We have to test your sugar first though," I told her.

"I don't think it studied," Willow said making me laugh again.

"Willow you're just full of jokes aren't you"

I kissed the crown of her head.

Her blood sugar was actually a little low so something to eat would be good. I got her one hot pretzel with a bottle of water.

"Can I have a soda," she asked.

I considered it. But her blood sugar wasn't low enough that having a soda would raise it to the point where it was too high.

I knelt to her level.

"I wish you could," I told her, "but your sugar level isn't low enough. Remember the last time your sugar got to high. You needed to get a shot?"

Willow nodded.

"I don't want you to have to get a shot. That's an owiee"

"Okay," she said, "I have the water"

After we ate and drank we went on some rides. It was great to throw up from the fast rides not from chemo.

"Mommy," Willow asked, "do you still have a bug in your tummy?"

"No," I told her, "the bug escaped"

"Let's hope he doesn't come back"

As she said that I saw a guy that looked a lot like Eli except for his hair. I may have faced my fear of room 10D but I haven't faced my fear of Eli yet and I don't think I ever will. I grabbed Willow and got out of the amusement park as fast as I can.


	22. As I Lay Me Down To Sleep

Tori's song is actually song by Sophie B Hawkins. I don't know who wrote it

* * *

Tori's Point of View

"You did really well Tor," Beck told me smiling at me.

I felt my heart skip a beat. I knew that he didn't like me like that. I knew he never **would **like me like that but I still felt my heart skip a beat. I liked him a lot but I loved Jade like she were my sister.

"Thanks," I told Beck, "May I ask you a question?"

"What did I tell you about asking if you can ask a question," Beck said sternly, "I ought to make you do Who's On First"

I knew he was teasing.

"Why did you make Jade go to that room," I asked him.

"Because," Beck explained, "I love her"

"But you know what happened to her in that room," Tori said.

"Exactly," Beck replied gently

"Huh," I said, "and I repeat huh!"

"Eli Whiteshell was a SON OF A BITCH who could burn in hell but he's not going to destroy Jade's life.

"Beck she's broken"

"She is broken but she's not destroyed. I am going to put the pieces back together. I am going to do it step by step and I am going to be with her all the way"

"There's going to be more," I exclaimed.

"Of course there's going to be more. It will be slowly and it will be when she's ready. It will be when **I **determine she's ready though not when **she **thinks she's ready. She means too much to me and I love her to much to let her be destroyed.

I guess I can understand that. It made sense. I didn't like it but I knew it had to happen.

"You promise me you'll be with her the whole time," I asked.

He nodded and looked at me very seriously.

"Oh by the way I wrote a song," I told him.

"You did," he asked, "can I hear it?"

"Of course. It's called AS I LAY ME DOWN TO SLEEP"

_It felt like spring time  
On this February morning  
In the courtyard  
Birds were singing your praise  
I'm still recalling things you said  
To make me feel alright  
I carried them with me today  
Now  
As I lay me down to sleep  
This I pray  
That you will hold me dear  
Though I'm far away  
I'll whisper your name  
Into the sky  
And I will wake up happy  
I wonder why I feel so high  
Though I am not above the sorrow  
Heavy hearted  
Till you call my name  
And it sounds like church bells  
Or the whistle of a train  
On a summer evening  
I'll run to meet you  
Barefoot barely breathing  
As I lay me down to sleep  
This I pray  
That you will hold me dear  
Though I'm far away  
I'll whisper your name  
Into the sky  
And I will wake up happy  
It's not too near for me  
Like a flower I need the rain  
Though it's not clear to me  
Every season has its change  
And I will see you  
When the sun comes out again  
As I lay me down to sleep  
This I pray  
That you will hold me dear  
Though I'm far away  
I'll whisper your name  
Into the sky  
And I will wake up happy..._

"So," I asked him, "what do you think?"

Beck wiped away a tear.

"Tori that was beautiful," he said, "can I play it for Jade"

I nodded.

"I meant for you to"


	23. And You Doubted I Would Because

Jade's point of view

On the way home from the amusement park I took Willow to a puppet show. It was Cinderella. How she never got tired of that I didn't know but I guess I had things I loved at her age that I never wanted to give up. Even now I had two things that I loved and would never get tired of or want to give up. Willow and Beck are the two people I would fight to the death to hold onto.

On the way home from the puppet show we stopped off at McDonalds for dinner. Then we stopped at Beck's.

"Hey Princess," he told Willow, "Why don't you go watch a movie while I go talk to mommy"

"Otay," she said excited.

"Rumplestilkin," he asked hopefully.

We've been trying to get Willow to have a little bit of verity in her entertainment choices. We don't mind her watching Cinderella but we want her to have other things to enjoy too.

"If you watch Rumplestilkin you can watch Cinderella after," he tempted her.

Sure," she said agreeably.

She hurried off to watch the movie

"So what's up," I asked Beck.

"I just found out there's going to be a musical version of C I n d e r e l l a when we're in Philadelphia," Beck told me.

I rolled my eyes, not because I had a problem seeing the musical but because-

"Um Beck," I told him

"Yeah?"

"Willow knows how to s p e l l"

Beck's point of view

Jade smirked when she said that but I could tell there was something upsetting her. I asked her about it.

"I saw a guy that looked exactly like Eli except his hair was different. GOD I thought I was past this"

I shook my head gently.

"Jade it's not that simple," I told her, "You've been through so much. It's going to take a long time for you to face this"

"But I faced room 10D," Jade said

I pulled her into a hug.

Jade's point of view

"So anyway," Beck told me after, "I had Willow watch a video because I didn't know if you would want see Cinderella again"

_I don't, _I thought to myself, _I must have seen it about 1000 times this week. But am I going to say no and disappoint my sister or rather lose the opportunity to see my sister excited. Hell no. I love Willow way more then I hate Cinderella"_

"And you doubted I would go because," I said with a smile.

"Because you h a t e C I n d e r e l l a"

"True," I said, "but I l o v e W I l l o w"

I didn't know at that point how seriously my words would be put to the test or how strongly I would pass that test. 


	24. And Then A Hero Comes Along

Jade's Point of View

Beck was my hero from the day I met him. I didn't start off in Hollywood Arts. Originally I was in a Catholic school. Beck had gone to the school also. We were both in fifth grade.

((Flashback))

_I was board. It had been a hot day and I was really uncomfortable. There were two more hours till school ended and I decided to have a little fun. I throw something at the fire alarm. It went off._

_I knew I was in serious trouble. Beck, who had been standing near me just winked._

_What's up with the weird guy, I thought to myself._

_"WHO THREW THAT," Ms. Orange, our principal asked after everything calmed down._

_"I did," Beck said before I could say anything._

_I stared openmouthed as Beck was dragged into the principal's office. I wasn't an idiot. I knew that paddling was the consequence for setting off the fire alarm. Standing outside the principal's office I could hear the furious sound of wood on skin… and for some reason **I **felt like crying. Why did I care… I didn't even know this guy._

_Still, Beck came out with a goofy grin._

_"Hi," he said in a friendly tone, "I'm Beck and you are?"_

_"You… you just took the blame for something I did"_

_"That must be pretty hard to spell," he laughed, "it was no big deal"_

_"But you just got paddled because of something I DID," I exclaimed_

_"It's no big deal. Of course if you want to make it up to me you can tell me your name"_

_"Right," I said with a slight laugh, "I'm Jade and what made you do that for me!"_

_"Well I couldn't let someone as beautiful as you get paddled," Beck said, "It wouldn't be right"_

End of Flashback

Beck's point of view

"Jade," I asked gently, "Honey what's on your mind"

I was thinking," she said, "about the first time we met"

"Oh Jade," I said gently

"What made you do that for me," she asked softly.

"I love you," I told her.

"Y-you love me now," she said, "You didn't even know me then"

I shook my head.

"You don't have to know a person to love her," I told Jade.

"When did you know you loved me?"

"Thirty seconds after I saw you," I told her.


	25. The First Leg of the Trip

Jade's point of view

It was a week later. We set out on the trip. It was Cat, Robbie, Rex, Tori, Andre, Dr. Oliver, Sinjin, Willow, Beck and I. We met at Beck's R.V. Tori was all ready to drive.

"Can I dwive," Willow asked

Tori laughed.

"Sure," she said, "Just sit on my lap."

Tori mouthed to me, _'I'm not actually going to let her drive'._

"Yeah," I mouthed back, "I could figure that out"

Tori drove for about 45 minutes Willow was asleep on her lap feeling tired after a lot of 'driving' which was no more then keeping her hands on the wheel.

By the time Willow woke up she was getting hungry.

"Hey look," Tori said, "There's a Fun-zone. We could get her a cheeseburger there"

"Gill cheese," Willow said

"Or a grilled cheese"

"Can we pway on the pwaygownd," Willow asked.

"Okay," I said, "but no trampoline. I'm too big to be let on and I don't want you on it alone"

"I can go with her," Cat said excited.

Cat was still small enough.

"Today was a little bit of a crazy day," I said

"Well duh," Cat pointed out.

"Great argument," I said sarcastically.

"Jade honey," Beck told me, "I think it would be okay"

With hesitation I nodded.

We went in. I hold onto Willow's hand and Beck's other hand. They take our orders while Willow and Cat played. After we ate we went back into the R.V. While Willow was watching Cinderella ((GOD how could she not be tired of it)) Beck suggested we do something educational.

"Are you out of your mind," Rex asked, "educational"

"Yeah"

"How about Truth or Dare," Sinjin suggested.

_Oh-my-GOD, _I thought to myself

"Okay," Beck said, "that's actually educational.

We learn about each other that way"

"This was going to be an interesting game. I sat on Beck's lap and he squeezed my arm protectively. I would unfortunately learn more then I bargained for. Willow was content watching her movie for the millionth time. We got started.

* * *

Jade breaks down a little in the next two chaptersl But Beck but the real Beck and the Beck she's daydreaming will pull her though it


	26. Truth or Dare

Bria and Ponyboy get credit for this chapter

* * *

Sinjin's point of view

"Okay Sinjin," Robbie began, "Truth or dare"

"Dare," I said excitedly, "dare, dare, dare, dare, dare!"

I was hoping to get the dare that **I WANTED **to get. I saw Beck roll his eyes.

"Excited much," he teased.

Robbie's point of view

I knew what dare Sinjin wanted but I **knew **that if I did that kind of dare Jade would probably kill me. I couldn't do it to her anyway. After what she went through it would almost be as bad as… I shuttered at the thought.

"I dare you," I began, "to wear high heals and sing He Drinks Tequila"

Cat tossed her a pair of high heals.

Andre's point of view

_Everybody knows her, little Miss Rosa  
The queen of the trailer park  
Well, she's a hot pepper and you'll never forget her  
If you ever let her break your heart  
Senor' Jose, works all day  
Sweatin' in the red hot sun  
Row after row, everybody knows  
What they do when the weekend comes_

He drinks tequila, and she talks dirty in Spanish  
Him in his sombrero, her in her purty pink jammies  
The dance all night to the Mariachis  
Till there ain't nobody left standin'  
He drinks tequila, and she talks dirty in Spanish

Well, the music is blarin' and the neighbors are starin'  
That whole dang trailer is a-rockin'  
Jose's a-howling', the Chihuahua's growlin'  
And Rosie's peelin' off her silk stockings  
"Yo Senora,kiss my body, a brasa mi puerta"  
"Ay,yi yi yi yi,hoochie-coo,to dal ay nochay"

He drinks tequila, and she talks dirty in spanish  
Him in his sombrero, her in her purty pink jammies  
The dance all night to the Mariachis  
Till there ain't nobody left standin'  
He drinks tequila, and she talks dirty in Spanish

He drinks tequila, and she talks dirty in Spanish  
Him in his sombrero, her in her purty pink jammies  
The dance all night to the Mariachis  
Till there ain't nobody left standin'  
He drinks tequila, and she talks dirty in Spanish

I laughed as Sinjin finished it off.

"Stop man," I said, "You're embarassin' yourself"

"That's weird," Sinjin replied giving Cat back her shoes, "I don't feel embarrassed."

"Yeah," Tori said, "I never felt embarrassed when I had to do that and my song was Twinkle Twinkle Little Star"

Tori's point of view

I gave Andre a look as I said that.

"Come on man," Andre said, "it was funny"

"First off all I'm not a man," I said, "cause if I were I would automatically be a winner"

"Oh come on Tori," Andre said, "do we have to always have this same discussion."

"No," I said, "but I do think-"

Beck's point of view

I squeezed Andre's shoulder. I knew exactly what he was going through. I've been through the same thing with Jade. A girl will never give up when she thinks she's right.

"I hear ya man," I said

Jade's point of view

"Moving on," I said taking over, "Beck truth or dare"

"I have no secrets," Beck said, "so truth"

"Do you think I'm a winner," I asked eliciting a chuckle from everyone. Beck however didn't even bat an eye.

"Jade you've been a winner from the moment I met you," he told me, "and probably long before that too"

Beck's point of view

I leaned forward once again taking control and gave her a gentle kiss.

"Okay Sinjin," I said, "Truth or dare"

"DARE," he exclaimed excitedly, "DARE, DARE, DARE, DARE, DARE"

_You've GOT to be kidding, _I thought to myself.

I know what dare he was hoping for and if anyone was going to throw him a bone it sure as hell wasn't going to be me"

Cat's point of view

"I dare you to eat this 10 day old cheese, at least three bites"

Beck laughed.

"Nice one Cat," he told me.

I laughed. I really liked it when Beck compliments me.

Rex's point of view

Being a puppet has it's ups and it's downs. One up is that you can't hurt. Well, you can't hurt physically that is. I've seen hurt and I don't like it. It's annoying and doesn't seem fun but there's also a down side to being a puppet.

Sinjin's point of view

DAMN! That was definitely not the dare of I hoped for. I did it glaring at Cat the whole time.

"WHAT'S THAT GLARE SUPPOSED TO MEAN," Cat exclaimed.

"I wasn't glaring," I lied.

Robbie's point of view

In life, there are all kinds of problems. Some problems are big. Other problems are small. Relationships I noticed come with all sorts of problems. Yeah that's right, I'm not as dumb as I look.

Andre's point of view

If Sinjin wasn't glaring at Natalie then Jade wasn't mad at Beck the time they had a huge fight. It was so obvious what was going on in Sinjin's mind. He was mad at Cat for not daring him to kiss Jade. DAYMN he was clueless. In fact he was so clueless he couldn't get a clue if it jumped right into his hands

Tori's point of view

Around the end of last year, it must have been 100 degrees outside. It was hot. Obviously everyone was in a mood. Beck had said something to Jade without thinking. It TOTALLY pissed her off leaving Beck in an unfortunate situation.

Beck's point of view

Tori and Jade only became friends towards the beginning of this year but Tori liked Jade ever since they called a truce between them. At the end of last year I had done something pretty stupid and Tori told me, "You know that wasn't the smartest thing you could have done" I DID know that. The thing I didn't know was how to fix it. I wish I had known that.

Jade's point of view

You know that moment right before something happens? You know that moment when you know that you've won or lost and that it's going to happen? I didn't have that feeling that day. I should have. For some reason I just didn't figure it out and I feel so… I feel like such a loser.

Sinjin's point of view

It was my turn. It was my moment.

"Jade," I said, "Truth or dare"

"Dare," she sighed

"I dare you to kiss me," I said

Beck's point of view

I chuckled a little bit before I saw that it looked like Jade couldn't breathe. She started to tear up.

"I CAN'T," she said, "after what happened to me this summer… I… I just…"

She got up and went into the other room. I quickly followed in after her but the door was locked.

Jade's point of view

I closed my eyes to try to stop the beating of my pounding heart. I started to drift to sleep. I knew I was asleep and yet I couldn't control what was happening. In my dream Beck came in and when I commented that I was such a loser he grabbed my shoulders forcefully and lectured me about not putting myself down. A gentle knock on the door woke me up.

* * *

Jade and Beck will have a very deep conversation in the next chapter


	27. Let Me Tell It To You Straight

Bria if it weren't for you I could never have done this part. Thank you

* * *

Beck's point of view

Being that it's my R.V I have a key to the rooms. It was fairly easy to open up the door and get to Jade. Gently I put my hands on her shoulders. I couldn't remember the last time I had seen her so upset. It just about killed me to see her this broken.

"I'm such a loser," she said tears pouring from her eyes.

Now I know Jade. I know when she's being real and when she's just trying to get what she wants. This was real. Jade was hurting and it wasn't something that would go away so quickly.

"Jade," I told her gently, "look at me"

She looked at me.

"You were never a loser," I told her, "even when you were a loser you were never a loser."

"But I-"

"The only loser here is Eli."

Jade looked away. Her eyes were closed and I could tell that she was really trying to hold back tears.

"Doesn't matter,' she said softly.

"Does so," I said firmly but calmly lifting her chin.

"It's not that I'm a loser.

I feel used, dirty, like some whore."

"Jade-"

"Don't feed me that bull about how I'm not that. It hurts Beck. It HURTS! To know that Our First Time will never be the same."

I held her tightly

"It hurts me too," I told her, "and I hate that SON OF A BITCH for what he did to you. There isn't a day goes by that I don't want to rip out his heart and feed it to him for what he did to you. He broke you. BUT he didn't destroy you and he didn't destroy us. We are still an us and we always will be an us"

By now she was hysterical. I knew exactly what was on her mind. Jade would always put on a thick wall to hide her hurt but it was crumbling faster then you can say 10D. I longed for the days when that was our most complicated problem… one which I could easily fix by turning it into a "recreation" of our first date.

I took her into my comforting embrace.

"It's alright precious Jade," I told her, "You will not hurt forever. The day will come where you'll be set free from this nightmare"

Jade murmured into my chest… "if only it was a nightmare Beck. You can wake up from nightmares"


	28. That was easier to fix then this

((Flashback… Tori's point of view))

_"You said WHAT now," I exclaimed_

"_I told her she-"_

"_Beck," I asked him, "ARE YOU CRAZY! How did she take it?"_

"_Let's just say that she's extremely upset," Beck replied, "I never saw her that upset"_

_ I sighed, partly because what he had done was __**insane **__and partly because Jade was my friend._

"_You do know that wasn't the smartest thing you could have done," I said_

"_GEE YA THINK," he snapped._

_He looked desperate. His eyes asked the question, what am I going to do._

_ "Tell me about your first date," I asked him_

"_Why?"_

"_Because," I said, "I think I have an idea"_

_Beck smiled at me gratefully._

"_If you can fix this," he said, "I seriously owe you"_

_ I put my hands on my hips. _

"_Tell me about your first date," I repeated._

_As he told me about it, I couldn't help but think how romantic it sounded. They had gone to the most famous Italian Restaurant in Hollywood. As the music played their song they danced _

_ "What song was it," I asked Beck._

"_It was called __**A MOMENT LIKE THIS**__," Beck said with a smile._

"_Have her meet you in the gym," I told him_

"_Why," he asked_

"_Because," I explained, "it was your plan to recreate your first date"_

_ "But I didn't even think of that," he said_

"_Right… but JADE doesn't know it was my idea. As far as she knows you thought it up yourself"_

_Beck hugged me. _

"_Tori," he said, "You're a genus"_

_ I blushed 10 shades of red. Whenever Beck complimented me I thought it was the best day of my life._

"_Thank you," I said, "If you want I can work with you on pulling this off"_

"_I can't do it without you," Beck replied. _

_It took all day to set the whole thing up._

_ I even managed to recruit the band that played the song they danced to. We set the room up like the restaurant. Lets just say Beck was out of the doghouse that afternoon. In fact he was high on a pedestal. _

End Flashback

That was a lot easier to fix then this was. Jade is so broken right now that it breaks me.


	29. It Wasn't Your Fault

Thank you Bria for the insperation for this chapter

* * *

Sinjin's point of view

When Beck came out along with Jade she seemed calmed down.

"I'm so sorry," I said softly.

"Sinjin," Beck said calmly, "Sit down"

His tone told me I wasn't in trouble. That, plus what he had said the first day.

Beck's point of view

After Sinjin was seated I began.

"Sinjin," I told her, "what happened today was not your fault. Over the summer something happened to Jade and it really affected her."

"Oh," Sinjin said, "I'm sorry I didn't know. What happened?"

Jade's point of view

I looked at Beck. I didn't want to think about it much less talk about it. Beck squeezed my hand supportively.

"Should I tell him," I whispered

"Do you think you're ready to talk about it," he asked me.

Sinjin's point of view

"I'll tell you," she said, "but you have to promise that you won't bring up up"

"I swear," I told her, "My lips are sealed"

She looked like she was in pain.

"I was raped this summer," she explained. A tear was falling from her eyes.

Beck's point of view

I **hate **Eli Whiteshell. I hate him every time I see my Jade cry. I hate him every time I see her have to go through this $^1t. I hate him when she walked into room 10D with an expression of pure horror on her face. It wasn't an expression of annoyance, frustration, anger… or any of the more pleasant expressions I've seen, it was just pure terror.

Sinjin's point of view

I hated the guy who did this to my friend. If I could I would… well I don't know what I would do but it wouldn't be pretty. I've always been the type of guy that would wait until I had my chance and then passively try to get what I want. I would never **take away someone's innocence**. I just wished at that moment murder wasn't illegal.

Jade's point of view

Do you know what I hate most about what happened? It affected Willow. She noticed the change in me. One day she said to me, "Mommy I wish I could take your sadness away from you and make it all better" I hugged her and told her you do.


	30. The Right Way

First of all thank you to Habisco for the inspiration for Katie's character.

* * *

Jade's point of view

Since we were going to be near my old friend Katie we decided we would stop by and see her. Willow was really excited. She absolutely loved Katie. Katie had a nephew who lived with her and her family. His name was Andrew and he was seven yours old.

We meant at FUNZONE! Katie and I hugged and Andrew and Willow went off to play in the playroom. After watching them for awhile Katie asked, "How do you make her behave so well?"

"Patience," I explained.

"Please," Katie laughed, "I cannot believe she misbehaves ever.

"You must have started disciplining her early. How'd you do it?"

"I mainly use rewards and reason," I said, "and I stick to my decisions but at the same time I'm flexible"

"Andrew doesn't do what I tell him with a happy attitude," Katie said, "and no amount of time out can get him to change that"

"Katie," I told her, "he's SEVEN and do you always do what you're told and with a happy attitude no less"

Katie's point of view

Jade had a point but I'm only sixteen. I don't know what else to do when I baby-sit and he won't do what I say with a happy attitude. The last time Andrew wouldn't stop acting hateful to me for weeks because of a SEVEN MINUTE TIME OUT. I barely got a hello out of him for two weeks and finally when I confronted him he just said, "you hurted my feelings."

I was flabbergasted.

"But… but… but you didn't have a good attitude when I told you to do your spelling exercises," I said, "and mom told me to make sure you got it done"

"I never punish Willow," Jade told me breaking me out of your thoughts.

"You mean not often," I asked

"No," she said, "I mean NEVER!"

"But she's so well behaved," I pointed out, "how else can you teach her to be so well behaved"

I was about to find out. Willow started getting a little bit fussy a couple of hours later. She wanted an ice cream but it would raise her blood sugar to high.

"Willow," Jade said, "You can't have an ice cream right now but you can have either a pretzel or a bag of popcorn"

"Pretzel," Willow said easily.

"Great choice," Jade told Willow.

She got the popcorn to go and she gave Willow the pretzel and a diet soda.

"Choices work?"

"Yes," Jade nodded, "they give her some authority over her own life and she doesn't feel like she needs to argue. Try it with Andrew sometime"

Jade's point of view

I picked Willow up after saying goodbye to Katie and we walked out. What I saw in the parking lot caused my heart to jump in my throat. It was Eli's cousin and he had a gun. He was pointing it at Willow. It was already late and there was nobody around.

"YOU TOOK MY COUSIN FREEDOM," Harold said, "so now I'm going to take Willow's life"

* * *

Don't worry... Willow is going to be just fine


	31. Electric

Jade's point of view

I grabbed Willow and held her to me, shielding her into my chest.

"THAT'S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN HAROLD," I told him firmly.

He just snarled.

"GIVE HER TO ME," he snapped.

"Yeah," I said, "I'll add that to the list of things that's never going to happen"

I could feel Willow trembling and I longed to sooth her.

_Beck, _I thought to myself, _please show up._

I could feel the gun to the back of my neck and then an electric charge running through my whole body. It was a shock gun. He reached for Willow but as he did I saw Tori come out in the background.

She knocked the gun out of Harold's hand and pinned him on the ground. Securing him to make sure he couldn't move, Tori ran to me to make sure I was alright.

"Jade," she exclaimed, "Are you okay"

"It was a shock gun," I stammered.

It took me moments before I could catch my breath.

Willow's point of view

Mommy was hurt! I ran over to her.

"MOMMY!

"I'm… okay," she said but she paused.

"I just got a little boo-boo," she told me.

Jade's point of view

When we got back to the RV, Dr. Oliver checked me out.

"You just have a minor burn," he told me putting salve on it, "this will take away the pain"

I doubted that but within an hour it started to feel better.

"Tori," Beck said, "pull up over there"

Tori pulled up where he had instructed.

There was another Karaoke showdown. The theme was country musical.

"Beck," I said, "I'm not sure if this music would be appropriate for Willow"

"I can stay with Willow," Cat offered.

I hesitated for a minute.

Cat was like a big kid herself.

"Alright," I told her, "No giving her candy or sweets because of her blood sugar. She may have salty snacks and if her blood sugar drops then she may have a sweet. You need to check her blood sugar in about an hour. She can watch a movie on the DVD but NOT Cinderella because we're seeing it and I don't want her enjoyment of Cinderella to become unhealthy.

"If there are any problems," I ended, "give me a call"

"There won't be any problems," Cat promised me.

"Cat… I'm trusting you with what's most precious to me. If anything happens to her-"

"I know," Cat said.


	32. Karaoke Showdown number 2

Victorious Girl I used the songs that you wanted me to use

* * *

Beck's point of view

Everyone signed up to do a song. I picked one of Jade's favorites.

"Okay," the DJ said, "my name is Eli Harold and we are going to have a great time tonight"

At the name Eli Harold Jade winced and touched the back of her neck. I squeezed her hand.

"Okay," Eli Harold said, "first up we have Beck Oliver singing _Cowboy _Casanova and it is dedicated to Jade West"

Jade's point of view

I watched with tears as Beck stepped up on stage.

"This is for you Jade," he told me.

_You better take it from me, that boy is like a disease  
You're running, you're trying, you're trying to hide  
And you're wondering why you can't get free  
He's like a curse, he's like a drug  
You get addicted to his love  
You wanna get out but he's holding you down  
'Cause you can't live without one more touch  
He's a good time cowboy casanova  
Leaning up against the record machine  
Looks like a cool drink of water  
But he's candy-coated misery  
He's the devil in disguise  
A snake with blue eyes  
And he only comes out at night  
Gives you feelings that you don't want to fight  
You better run for your life_

I see that look on your face  
You ain't hearing what I say  
So I'll say it again  
'Cause I know where you been  
And I know how it ends  
You can't get away  
Don't even look in his eyes  
He'll tell you nothing but lies  
And you wanna believe  
But you won't be deceived  
If you listen to me  
And take my advice

_Run run away  
Don't let him mess with your mind  
He'll tell you anything you want to hear  
He'll break your heart  
It's just a matter of time  
But just remember_

_Oh you better run for your life_

The whole room burst into thunderous applause and Beck hugged me.

Cat's point of view

Jade said I couldn't put on the D.V.D. of Cinderella but she never said I couldn't put on a Cinderella puppet show for Willow. I mean the girl had a rough day. I made the puppets while Willow was sleeping. She LOVED the puppet show… giggled all the way through it. The girl is definitely going to be a giggler when she gets older any time she has fun. .

Andre's point of view

I had chosen the song GUN POWDER AND LEAD because I knew Tori really liked it. Tori and I also signed up together to do HE DRINKS TEQULA. My name was announced and so I went up.

_County road 233, under my feet  
Nothin' on this white rock but little ole me  
I've got two miles till, he makes bail  
And if I'm right we're headed straight for hell  
I'm goin' home, gonna load my shotgun  
Wait by the door and light a cigarette  
If he wants a fight well now he's got one  
And he ain't seen me crazy yet  
He slap my face and he shook me like a rag doll  
Don't that sound like a real man  
I'm going to show him what a little girls made of  
Gunpowder and lead  
It's half past ten, another six pack in  
And I can feel the rumble like a cold black wind  
He pulls in the drive, the gravel flies  
He dont know what's waiting here this time_

_I'm goin' home, gonna load my shotgun  
Wait by the door and light a cigarette  
If he wants a fight well now he's got one  
And he ain't seen me crazy yet  
He slap my face and he shook me like a rag doll  
Don't that sound like a real man  
I'm going to show him what a little girls made of  
Gunpowder and lead  
His fist is big but my gun's bigger  
He'll find out when I pull the trigger  
I'm goin' home, gonna load my shotgun  
Wait by the door and light a cigarette  
If he wants a fight well now he's got one  
And he ain't seen me crazy yet  
He slap my face and he shook me like a rag doll  
Don't that sound like a real man  
I'm going to show him what a little girls made of  
_

Just like before everyone burst into applause.

Jade's point of view

"I have chosen this song," I announced, "because of its title. Four years ago my parents died leaving me and my little sister who I've raised since she was four days old. I have managed to keep Willow and I together. Had it not been for Beck, Tori, Andre, Cat, Robbie , Sinjin and Rex I wouldn't have been able to do this. They're more then my friends… they're my family.

_When it's family, you forgive them for they know not what they do  
When it's family, you accept them, 'cause you have no choice but to  
When it's family, they're a mirror of the worst and best in you  
And they always put you to the test  
And you always try to do your best  
And just pray for God to do the rest, when it's family_When I was done there wasn't a single dry eye in the whole place. Beck was crying like a girl. He was so touched by the song or by my words… I didn't know which. I ran to him and threw my arms around him.

Some are preachers, some are gay  
Some are addicts, drunks and strays  
But not a one is turned away, when it's family  
Some are lucky, others ain't  
Some are fighters, others faint  
Winners, losers, sinners, saints, it's all family

And when it's family you trust them and your heart's an open door  
When it's family, you tolerate what you'd kill others for  
When it's family, you love and hate and take, then give some more  
Somehow you justify mistakes, try to find some better way  
To solve the problems day to day, in the family

You take the trouble as it comes and love them more than anyone  
Good or bad or indifferent, it's still family  
You choose your lovers, you pick your friends  
Not the family that you're in, nah  
They'll be with you 'til the end, 'cause it's family

And when it's family, you forgive them for they know not what they do  
When it's family, they're a mirror of the worst and best in you  
When it's family, when it's family  
Let me be all that I should be to the family

In his arms I felt safe. In his arms I felt like a winner. I clung to him like there was some invisible glue binding us together. It was easier to breath now. It was easier to think.

Beck's point of view

We got back to the R.V. Jade and I saw the most precious sight ever. Willow was asleep and Cat was holding her and singing "A Dream is a Wish your heart makes". After thanking Cat Jade and I went into my bedroom in the R.V. and we fell asleep… my arms around her, her head in my chest. I have never felt this complete._  
_


	33. Raised All Wrong

Harold's Point of View

**I DON'T GET IT! MY COUSIN IS IN JAIL NOW THANKS TO THAT BITCH HE RAPED. WHITESHELL MEN WERE RAISED TO TAKE WHAT WE WANT AND ELI WANTED THAT BITCH. WHY WOULD SHE PRESS CHARGES! HE BASICALLY DID HER A FAVOR!**

**NOW I'M STUCK IN JAIL TOO FOR TRYING TO GET VENGANCE FOR MY COUSIN. IT'S NOT AS IF IT WAS A REAL GUN. IT WAS A STUN GUN. I WASN'T ACTUALLY PLANNING TO KILL WILLOW, JUST HURT HER. WHAT DID I DO THAT WAS SO WRONG!**

**BAIL WAS SET AT $1,000. FOR A PRANK! FOR A LITTLE SCARE! THE SYSTEM IS SO SCREWED UP THESE DAYS. $25 WOULD HAVE BEEN AN APPROPRATE BAIL. **

**"Whiteshell," the guard called to me, "You've been sprung"**

**NOT A MOMENT TOO SOON EITHER. IT WAS MY BROTHER, MY TWIN WHO PAID MY BAIL.**

"**Dude," he asked, "what did you do?"**

"**Got revenge for Eli," I told him**

**HE CHUCKLED AGREEING WITH ME. THAT WAS ANDREW FOR YA. HE WOULD ALWAYS SIDE WITH ME WHEN I WAS RIGHT. **

"**You didn't kill anyone," he asked.**

"**Not unless you consider scaring the bitch to death killing"**

**"Well," Andrew said, "I can't say she didn't have it coming"**

"**We gonna skip town," I asked Andrew once we got outside"**

"**D Plus UH equals DUH," Andrew said, "of course we're going to skip town"**

**I LAUGHED ALONG WITH ANDREW. WE'D BE GETTING OUT OF THIS HELL-HOLE AND GO TO NEW YORK CITY. **

**WE HAD ALWAYS WANTED TO GO TO NEW YORK CITY. IT WAS A PLACE OF FUN AND GLAMMER. BESIDES WE'RE FILTHY RICH SO WE WON'T MISS THE $1,000.**

"**I'll pay you back," I told him**

"**No need," he said, "I stole it from mom's wallet and she'll never miss it"**

**"Do you have the money for the airplane tickets?"**

"**Is mom's uni-brow ugly," Andrew responded, "Of course I have the money for the tickets"**

**WITHIN A COUPLE OF HOURS WE WERE GONE, NEVER TO RETURN TO THIS DUMP AGAIN!**

Okay so Harold and Andrew are jerks but I wanted to get them away for Jade and Willow and this was the best way I could think of to do it


	34. Sweet Kiten

Jade's point of view

"How was Willow," I asked Cat.

"She was as good as ever," Cat told me, "She woke up a little cranky and so I put on a puppet show to entertain her"

I shook my head in amusement. It wasn't hard to guess which particular puppet show she did.

"Cinderella," I asked

Cat's point of view

"Maybe a little bit," I said.

She looked at me.

"Huh?"

"Yeah okay," I said, "but you never said I couldn't do a puppet show of it and it calmed her down"

"I have to give you credit," Jade said laughingly, "It's something **I** would have done"

Jade's point of view

"What were you singing to her," I asked Cat

"It's called A Dream is A Wish Your Heart Makes," Cat said, "It's from a movie"

"Yeah," I said, "Cinderella"

"Yeah," Cat admitted, "are we still friends?"

Was she for real?

Are we still friends? Did Cat really just ask me that? As if I would ever stop being friends with her because she put on a puppet show of Cinderella for Willow and sang her a Cinderella lullaby. Hell, Tori tried to kiss Beck and I'm still her friend. Of course it was only her second day and I did get her back.

"Am I friends with Tori," I asked her.

"Yeah. Of course you are"

"And do you remember why I was mad at Tori," Jade continued

"Um… um… um…um…"

"It was because she tried to kiss Beck remember"

Cat nodded.

"So if I'm going to be friends with Tori **who tried to kiss Beck **do you really that I wouldn't be your friend just because you did a puppet show for Willow and sang her a lullaby"

"No," Cat correctly guessed"

"Good guess," I told her

Cat looked relieved. Then her face fell.

"Please Jade," she said, "Don't get mad at Willow. It was my idea."

Cat reminded me of a sweet kitten.

"Cat," I said, "Have I **ever **gotten mad at Willow?"

"No"

"Right and she dumped 3 boxes of cereal out on the floor. If I didn't get mad at her for that I'm certainly not going to get mad at her for enjoying a puppet show"


	35. Beck's 'date' with a 'Cheerleader'

The next few chapters will share how Jade's parents died

* * *

((Flashback))

Jade's point of view

_Beck's next door neighbor saw me and waved at me. I really liked the girl. Her name is Ally and she's like 9-years-old. I was in the big buddy program and was paired up with her. _

_"Jade," she said, "can I talk with you for a minute?"_

"_Sure Ally," I said, "what's up?"_

"_Well there's this guy I __**really **__like," Ally said, "but he's a little older then me"_

"_You should ask him out," I told her, "You never know until you try"_

"_You think I have a chance?"_

"_Ally you're gorgeous, sweet and funny among other things. He'd have to be blind, deaf and dumb not to want you"_

_Beck's point of view_

_I'm in my RV finishing my homework when I hear a knock on the door._

"_Hang on a sec," I told whoever was there. It was Ally_

"_Hi Ally," I said_

"_Hi Beck. Can I ask you a question?"_

"_Sure. Go for it"  
_

"_Could we go to the carnival together," Ally asked me_

_I had to laugh. It was too cute._

"_Just a second," I told her and I called Jade._

"_Hey Jade"_

"_Hey"_

"_I can't go to the carnival with you," I told her, "I have a… date"_

_Clearly she could hear the amusement in my voice because she didn't freak out._

"_Let me guess," she said, "Blonde, about 4'9, nine-years-old?"_

"_How did you know?"_

_She told me about what happened before._

"_Let her down easy," she told me"_

_"I will," I promised Jade._

((To be continued in chapter 36))


	36. Feeling of DREAD

Me: Thank you for the advice but the final chapter will tie it all together

* * *

_Jade's point of view_

_I can feel in my heart that something's not right. It's not like I don't trust Beck and I'm really not worried about that nine-year-old sweet kid, Ally anyway. There's something wrong. I can just sense it._

_"Jade," my mom said, "sweetheart can you watch Willow for a little while._

_"Dad and I need to go out for a couple of hours"_

_"Sure mom," I told her, "I'll see you later"_

_I didn't know that would be the last time I ever saw my parents. I didn't know that at 12-years-old I was going to become a mother. I would be responsible for myself **and **for Willow._

_Beck's point of view_

_I was having a great time with Ally when Jade called me. She was hysterical._

_"Jade," I said, "Honey slow down. I can't understand you"_

_"I'm down at the hospital," she told me, "my parents were just killed in a car crash"_

_I felt my heart drop to my stomach._

_"I'll be right there," I told her"_

_Then I hung up and turned to Ally._

_"Ally honey," I told her, "I'm sorry but something came up. We'll have to finish this date another time"_

_Ally looked disappointed but she just smiled and asked, "Is there anything I can do?"_

_"I'll let you know later," I promised her_

_I got to the hospital 15 minutes later. My uncle was talking with Jade about her options with Willow._

_"Foster care is the most prominent choice," he told her, "but if you want to take care of Willow I would be willing to claim responsibility"_

_"She can move into the R.V. with me," I told my uncle._

_Jade ran to me as a wail escaped her chest. She clung to me as I wrapped her in my arms and held her tightly._

_"She can move into the RV with me," I told Uncle Owen._

_Jade nodded vigorously._

_Beth's point of view_

_Uncle Owen called me explaining the situation. Ever since my parents died I've been raising my brother and sisters. I'm 8 years older then Beck. A large part of me hesitated because I knew what boys and girls did when they were together but I knew that I couldn't turn my back on Beck and Jade and Willow._

_"That's fine," I told Uncle Owen._

_I would let Jade and Willow settle into Beck's R.V. and then I would have a LONG talk with them about what the rules where. I would have a long talk with Jade and Beck that is. Willow is only a baby so I might as well be talking Japanese to her. Jade arrived a couple of hours later and I greeted her warmly. I gave her some dinner and settled her into the house. She wouldn't be in the RV until the rules were discussed._


	37. Laying Down The Law

_Beth's point of view_

_ After Jade had woken up, fed Willow, bathed Willow, changed Willow, dressed Willow taken a shower, dressed, brushed her teeth and her hair and had breakfast I sat her and Beck down. _

"_Okay," I said, "First of all Jade I can't begin to tell you how sorry I am about what happened to you. While you're here you are family and so is Willow. You have all the love and care you'll ever need. Just like any family there are also rules._

_ "The number one rule is you will have to abstain from sexual relations with my brother… or anyone else for that matter. There are video cameras I installed in the RV and if you break that rule there will be consequences. Secondly Willow is your responsibility in that you have the final say with her. However you are not going to drop out of school or activities that you enjoy. I will care for her whenever need be. _

_Jade's point of view_

_ "I love Willow," I said, "I'm not going to shirk my responsibilities."_

"_As well you shouldn't," Beth replied, "but you're also going to go to school and do your homework and extra activities that you're committed to. If you try to raise her without any chance of being a child you will grow to resent her and you don't want that"_

_No… I definitely didn't want that. I didn't see how that could happen either._

_ She finished explaining the rest of the rules and each time she let me know if I broke it there would be consequences. _

"_What do you mean by consequences," I asked, "Does that mean I'd be tossed out?"_

"_Jade Alexandra West," she said sternly, "Families don't toss each other out. Families don't hurt each other either so you can stop thinking that too"_

_How she knew I was thinking that I had no idea._

_Beth's point of view_

_ To be honest I wasn't sure what I would use for consequences. I was bluffing, hoping that she wouldn't need consequences so she wouldn't break the rules. Oh well, we'd cross that bridge when and if we came to it. _

"_Now I'm also keeping your house available for you," I told her, "but it will also have cameras inside so if you and Beck are doing something you shouldn't I will know. If that is to happen-"_

_ "Let me guess," she said, "there will be consequences?"_

"_Exactly," I said with a smile, "and remember it's for your own-"_

"_Good," she said, "I know. But Beth I'm not that type of girl that breaks rules… I have a tough act but I'm not tough"_

"_Well okay then," I said with a smile._

_Jade's point of view_

_ Willow started crying. I ran to get her. She had a very full diaper. I started to change it but Beck stopped me._

"_Let me do it," he said_

_ I loved Willow but that was one job I was GLAD not to have to do. _

"_Can you set the table for lunch," Beth asked, "please?"_

_I nodded and set the table. That night I moved into the RV with Beck. _

"_Is kissing allowed," I asked Beth who just laughed and nodded. _


	38. I had NO idea

Jade's point of view

_ When I was 9-years-old my mom was an alcoholic. Three days before my 10__th__ birthday she asked me what I wanted for my birthday._

"_Nothing," I said_

"_Come on honey," she told me, "You must want something"_

"_Yeah," I said, "I want for you to stop drinking"_

_ The next day my mom started an in program treatment to stop her alcoholism. She hadn't touched a drink after that until she died. _I didn't know how painful it was for her to quit. I didn't know at the time what it took to be a mother. I didn't know that being a mother would be exhausting and exhilarating at the same time.

I didn't know how long it would take sometimes to get her ready for school. I didn't know that there would be times where she would go through a pack of diapers in a week. I didn't know all the nights I would sit up with her when she was sick worrying. I didn't know there would be times where she would drive me crazy and I would have to somehow draw the strength to be positive even when I positively felt like getting mad or some other form of negative correction.

At the time I thought being a mother would be easy. Being a mother is a lot of things. It's amazing. It's heartwarming. It's terrifying.

I didn't know how much it would hurt me to hear Willow's cries every time she had to get a shot for her diabetes. I didn't know how much I would get so sick and tired of reading and watching Cinderella over and over and over and over and over and over and over again. I didn't know that at the same time I would love it because it was an opportunity to see my Willow laugh and giggle and cheer. I didn't know how hard it would be taking her from place to place and skipping out on things I wanted to do. I didn't know how it wouldn't even bother me.

I didn't know how every time we went into a toy store she would want something… and usually not something cheap either. I didn't know how I would always, not almost always but **always **impulsively get it for her. I didn't know how when I was sick my first thought would be about Willow. Even after my rape my only thoughts were of Willow.

I didn't know how I would be waking up nights and coming into her room just to check to make sure she's okay. I didn't know I would settle into a routine. Being a mother was a lot harder then I thought. It was such a relief to have Beck's sister helping me with Willow but despite her objections I took over the main parenting. Willow was my child.

If I had to do it all again I wouldn't change a thing. I love every minute. I could do without the cereal boxes being poured out onto the floor or the continuous readings and watching of Cinderella but I could never do without Willow. Willow is my sister and my daughter. Willow is my life.


	39. Once upon a time

Beck's point of view

I woke up to the sound of whimpering. Something wasn't right. Jade was up before me and she could tell something was wrong too. The whimpering was coming from Willow's room. She was having a nightmare.

Willow's point of view

I dreamed that some bad guy was hurting mommy. I tried to scream but all I could do was whimper. I was so scared. She falled down and was shaking. I woke up screaming.

Jade's point of view

I managed to calm her down and find out about her dream.

"Willow," I told her, "the dream isn't real. Mommy's okay"

"What happened to you mommy," Willow asked me, "when you were away for the summer"

Beck and I looked at each other.

Cat's point of view

I came into the room and sat down on the bed. I picked Willow up and put her on my lap.

"Willow," I said, "Let me tell you a fairy tale. Once upon a time there was a beautiful princess… who didn't like to dress like a princess."

Jade rolled her eyes.

Jade's point of view

Cat went on to tell Willow about the handsome prince, who I assumed was Beck.

"One day the handsome prince had to go on a quest. He kissed the princess goodbye and told her he would be back as soon as he could. The princess had to stay behind to look after the most beautiful princess of all. But like in all fairy tales there's a bad guy.

Cat's point of view

"Not in all fairy tales," Willow said, "sometimes the girl is the bad one. Like in Cinderella… there is an evil stepmother and two evil stepsisters"

"Okay," I said, "but in this case there is a bad guy. Now the bad guy tried to hurt the beautiful princess and managed to do so. The princess was said for a long time"

Jade's point of view

"So the bad guy won," Willow asked looking sad

"NO WILLOW," I told her fiercely, "The bad guy didn't win at all. Just like the evil queen tried to poison Snow White with the apple, Snow White got back on her feet. Well this princess also got back on her feet"

"So when is the princess going to stop being sad," Willow asked.

Beck's point of view

"Willow," I said, "the princess is trying to stop being sad but it's going to take awhile before she's happy again"

"Oh… like how long?"

"She's already less sad then she was before," Jade told her

Soon Willow was fast asleep. We had a long days drive ahead of us tomorrow.


	40. Somewhere Over The Rainbow

Willow's point of view

Today we went to see a show. It was called the wizard of OZ and it was almost as good as Cinderella. What was really cool was that I was in the show. The kid that played Toto was sick and I got to play Toto. The kid who normally played Toto was sick and I fit into the costume.

I couldn't have played any of the speaking parts because I didn't know the lines. But mommy told the director that I was to get paid the same amount OF MONEY THAT THE OTHER PEOPLE GOT PAID.

Jade's point of view

Willow was in a show today. She played Toto and she stole the show.

First of all she looked adorable in her costume. Also as the songs were playing she started singing along. It was so cute. A singing dog was new to the show and something the audience loved. The audience applauded thunderously when she took her bow.

Beck's point of view

Jade was applauding the loudest. I was applauding only slightly less loud then Jade was.

"Willow," I told her, "You were amazing"

"Thank you daddy," she said excitedly

Jade watched the director writing out the checks.

Jade's point of view

"WOW! WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU LIVING," I snapped, "SOMEWHERE OVER THE RAINBOW!"

"What do you mean," the director asked.

"You paid Willow **HALF** of what you paid everyone else"

"Well she doesn't have a speaking part,"

I put my hands on my hips and got up in his face.

"A SHOW OF THE WIZARD OF OZ WITHOUT TOTO WOULDN'T BE THE WIZARD OF OZ," I snapped, "You are going to pay my sister the same amount you pay every other actor and I'm NOT EVEN CLOSE TO KIDDING"

How far away is kidding," the director asked smirking.

"Maybe I'm not making myself clear," I told him, "YOU will pay WILLOW the same amount you paid the other actors or you will have to deal with ME and you don't want to have to deal with ME!"

He sighed

The Director's point of view

"Fine," I said, "She gets the same $100.00 that the other actors get"

"Thank you," she said.

I wrote out the check for $100.00. I didn't want to argue with that girl. I knew I would never win this won"

Beck's point of view

"Willow you did great," I told her hugging her.

"I was TOTOly proud of you," Jade said.

That was cheesy but I wouldn't tell her that.

"Come on," I told her, "I have a surprise for you back at the RV"

Her face lit up as she followed us"


	41. Yice Cream

Willow's point of view

We got to the RV and daddy opened the freezer door.

"I made this especially for you"

He handed me ice cream.

"YAY!"

Mommy gave him a look

Jade's point of view

"BECK you gave her ice cream? Do you KNOW what that's going to do to her b l o o d s u g a r"

"It's not ice cream," Beck whispered to me, "It's frozen yogurt. I got it at the frozen yogurt store and put a Popsicle stick in it and put it in the freezer so she could have it"

I grinned up at him.

That was an amazing idea. I loved what he did. It was so creative. But I decided we needed to call it something different then ice cream.

"It's not ice cream," I told Willow, "It's a special treat called YICE CREAM"

Cat's point of view

"Can I have a YICE CREAM," I asked Willow

She handed me one of hers.

"Here you go cousin Cat," she said

"Thank you sweetie," I told her, "Come on. How about I read you a story?"

'Not Cinderella,' Jade silently begged me

"Okay," she said, "I wanna hear the Wizard of Oz"

"Do you guys have that book," I asked Jade.

"No but we're right near a bookstore," Beck said, "We can stop and pick up a copy"

Jade looked like she was bursting with pride.

Jade's point of view

I can't remember the last time Willow decided on a book or a movie or a tape other then Cinderella. That was a HUGE accomplishment for Willow.

"I think that deserves an ice cream felt on your ice cream mountain," I told her putting one on."

"What's that," Sinjin asked.

"Oh it's a reward chart," I explained, "25 ice cream felts equals a small reward.

"Then 50 equals a medium reward. 100 equals a large reward and 1,000 equals the ultimate reward"

"Bet it would be useful to Sinjin," Tori said.

A wide grin spread across Sinjin's face.

"Okay," I said with a smile, "You know you might be right. Cat, can you go with Willow to the book store so we can pick her up a copy of the Wizard of Oz. Tori, Sinjin, Beck, Andre and the rest of you lets meet in the front room of the RV. We're going to build another ICE CREAM MOUNTAIN"

Everyone followed excitedly while Cat took Willow's hand and they walked to the book store."


	42. Terms of Agreement

Sinjin's Point of View

"Tori," Jade said, "can you get the huge piece of cardboard paper and the felt ice cream scoops."  
Tori ran to get them.

"Now Sinjin," Jade explained to me, "every time you do something RIGHT you get a felt ice cream scoop. Once you get 25 points you earn a small prize. I will sit with you at lunch"

_Yes, _I thought to myself, _this is so cool_. _I get to eat lunch with Jade._

"After 50 points you get a medium prize. I'll go to the carnival with you. A hundred points equals a date… that's ONE date no contact.

"After you earn 1,000 points you get the kiss you've been wanting since we were in Jr. High"

"Now," Beck continued, "I want a few things to be made clear right here and now. This is a one shot deal. There's no 'take two' with the kiss. No tongue action either."

Beck's point of view

I said that for two reasons. While I'm not jealous of Sinjin the guy (and I love him as a friend) is a loon. He broke into Jade's house once. After what Jade went through I really **don't **want her to have to go through anything that reminds her of what Eli did to her. The more I think about Eli the more I hate him.

The second reason I said that was I really didn't like the idea of another guy FRENCHING my girlfriend. I could understand why she got so upset when I kissed Tori in improve class. I recently let Jade know the truth. It was only a stage kiss. Our lips never actually touched.

I probably should have told her the truth from the beginning. Tori thought that Jade needed to be taught a lesson for spilling hot coffee on her head. But that kiss had upset Jade so much and I couldn't understand why. Jade knew I would never do anything that would hurt her and I would never love anyone but her and Willow.

Jade's point of view

Sinjin looked THRILLED about this arrangement.

"One more thing," Beck said to Sinjin, "It has to be on HER terms and if she's still struggling-"

"I get it," Sinjin said, "so how do I earn the felt ice cream scoops"

"Well there are a lot of ways," I explained, "for instance when we're playing truth or dare don't say DARE, DARE, ! If you ask a question and you don't get the answer you're hoping for don't ask again 75 times in hopes of getting the answer you want"

"That's gonna be hard fo' him," Rex said

"REX!"

"Rex is right,' Sinjin said, "It will be hard but not impossible. It's a challenge," he added, "and I like challenges. Guys can handle challenges way better then girls can"


	43. It's ooonnn

Beck's point of view

I inwardly groaned when Sinjin said that because I knew what was going to happen.

"Oh you think so," Tori asked with a grin, "Why don't we put a bet on it?"

"There's no need to bet," I said, "let's just say girls and guys are equal"

"Are they," Tori challenged, "Um… who is it that goes through the challenges step by step? You guys couldn't do that"

If I weren't cool I don't know which one I would reproach; Tori for starting this stupid bet or Sinjin for making the comment that LED to Tori making this stupid bet.

"Oh it is so ooonnn," Rex said, "I bet you that we guys could complete the challenges in one night"

"Oh," Tori said, "Why don't we call stakes?"

"I don't think we need to bet," I said

"Since Jade is already a winner she and Beck and judge the contest," Andre suggested.

"So stakes?"

"I like mine medium," Andre said, "with French fries"

"That's not stakes," I told him, "that's steaks"

"Huh?"

"S t a k e s are what a person gets after winning a bet.

"S t e a k s are something you eat"

"Beck I know. I was making a joke"

"How about this," Trina said, "if we ladies win we get to pick the next show we see. If you guys win we have to come with you to the next football game"

Jade grinned.

"Well the girls are going to win anyway," she said, "Someone would need to stay with Willow that day because I am not subjecting her to a football game"

"Why? She's not a fan of football?"

"IT'S DANGEROUS AND VIOLENT," Jade yelled at Andre, "I DON'T WANT HER KNOWING THAT PART OF THE WORLD"

"Jade," I said gently, "no need to yell"

"I just don't want her knowing the rough part of the world," Jade said, "I don't want her ever having to go through what I did"

"Jade," Andre said, "You do realize you can't shield her forever"

"UNFORTIONATELY," Jade snapped, "But I sure as hell can shield her for as long as possible and she's not going to know when things are wrong. She's not going to know that things are a little off kilter.

"Her life is going to be perfect. It will be perfect for as long as it can be perfect. She will not suffer or go through hard times"

"I think you're going to have to move," Andre said.

"Where," Jade asked.

Andre smirked.

"I would try LALA LAND or Fantasy Island," Andre said

"I always thought never, never land was fun," Tori commented.

"Okay enough guys," I said with a smile.

Just then Cat came in holding Willow's hand and two wagonloads of book and toys.

* * *

Things are about 2 get interesting


	44. Concern

Jade's point of view

Cat walked in holding Willow's hand with TWO WAGONLOADS of books and toys and games.

"Wow," I said, "It looks like you got a lot of stuff there"

"I know," Cat said, "It was so exciting."

"How much did all this cost you," Beck asked

"Nothing," Cat replied

Beck's point of view

I stared at Cat for a minute KNOWING that there had to be a story behind all of this.

"You got all of this for free," I asked disbelievingly.

"Okay so Willow and I were on our way to the store when we passed by a show that was starting in 15 minutes. We go in and get the tickets-"

"Wait," Jade asked, "You took Willow to a show?"

Jade's point of view

I was really confused. What show had they gone and seen?

"Yes. Cinderella was playing and I knew how much Willow loves it so-"

"Cinderella huh," I said with a hint of a smile.

Cat's point of view

"It's more then that," I told them, "You see the girl playing Cinderella is going to be absent for the week. She's going on a family vacation. Her understudy is also going to be away and the director announced that after the show anyone who wanted to can try out to be Cinderella for the week. So Willow asked me if she could try out and I said sure. She got the part and-"

Jade's point of view

I picked Willow up and spun her around in a celebratory fashion.

"So anyway he gave us all these things for her getting the part," Cat ended.

Beck's point of view

"I'm guessing," I said, "that they're all Cinderella things?"

"Mostly," Cat said causing me to groan inwardly. We would have to monitor this because she's obsessed enough with Cinderella as it is.

There's a part of me that wonders if maybe we shouldn't allow her to do the show. There are two things that stop me from putting my foot down with that. First of all Willow looked extremely excited and second Jade would KILL me if I did that.

"Daddy," Willow said, "do you want to see my costume"

"I'd love to," I told her.

Cat took her back to the room to help her change. I looked at Jade.

"Do you think this is a good idea," I asked, "I mean Willow is obsessed with Cinderella. Don't you think playing Cinderella will cause her to become more obsessed with it?"

"I think," Jade said quietly, "that it will do just the reverse"

I wasn't sure what Jade meant and I asked her.

"She'll have gotten it out of her system," Jade explained, "and sure she'll enjoy it still but she won't be so obsessed with it. Besides I'm not going to take away this opportunity from her"

"I know," I said, "I'm just thinking I don't want things to spin out of control"

Little did I know how far out of control things would spin.

* * *

Okay I know there wasn't much description in that but I garentee there will be plenty in the next 4 chapters. This is just to ease into the next 4 chapters


	45. NOBODY is turning it back on

Beck's point of view

My phone rang at 3 o'clock the next day. I blinked and rubbed my eyes. We were still in Hollywood and would be for the next seven days.

"Hello," I said sleepily

"Beck, its Billy Vega,"

I sat up.

"Eli Whiteshell is dying," Billy explained, "I was assigned to guard his room and it looks like today may be his last day. I thought you might want to confront him."

Billy Vega was Tori and Trina's father. He hated Eli ever since Eli had done to Trina the same thing he had done to Jade four years ago.

HELL YES I WANTED TO CONFRONT THAT SON OF A BITCH AND I KNEW EXACTLY WHAT I WAS GOING TO DO!

"I will be there in 20 minutes," I told him.

As I was heading out the door Jade woke up

"Beck," she asked tiredly

I filled her in on what's going on only because I knew she had the right to confront Eli as well.

She got up and got dressed.

"I'm coming with you," she said

"What about Willow?"

"Cat can watch her," Jade said, "she'll be thrilled about it."

Jade and I rarely let Cat baby-sit Willow because of her bipolar disorder but she had been taking medication for it for awhile.

I trusted Cat now and so did Jade.

When we walked in Billy greeted us and said, "I'll leave you alone to deal with him. I won't be too far away but you people don't need an audience."

He smiled at us as he left.

"DON'T FEEL SO IN CONTROL NOW DO YOU ELI,"

Eli's point of view

I know I have it coming, whatever they have in mind for me but I'm terrified. I have repented and found GOD. I knew I was going to heaven but I know that I'm going to suffer.

"I know," I said, "what I did to you was wrong… it was horribly wrong."

"Do you have any idea WHAT you did to me?"

"I…I raped you," I whispered ashamed.

"THAT is just a part of it," Jade said, "Yes you **raped **me but you also hurt my **daughter **because you gave me a disease called HPV that may well take me away from her. Yes you **raped **me but you also made my life a living nightmare. For most people room 10D is an annoyance at worst. For me it's a LIVING TORCHURE CHAMBER!"

"Eli," Beck asked, "Have you ever seen Mr. Monk takes Manhattan"

Weakly I nodded. I was so tired.

"Well," Beck said, "This is **me **turning off your morphine and NOBODY is turning it back on"

For a second I felt nothing and then agonizing pain!


	46. A Horrible End but A Beautiful Beginning

Eli's point of view

I felt like my whole body was on fire from the lesions that covered it. My arms felt like weights were dragging them down. I couldn't breathe. I was sweating.

_Father, _I thought to myself, _forgive them for they don't know what they're doing._

"Please," I rasped, "turn it back on"

"Let me think about that," Jade said, "no"

"But I repented," I argued, "I…"

I couldn't speak for minutes as it felt like my lungs were closing in on me.

"I found GOD," I explained, "and-"

Before I could say another word I threw up all over myself.

"I'm glad you found GOD," Beck said, "and I'm glad your soul was 'saved'"

He used air quotes with the word saved.

"However," he said, "Your last moments here are going to be **HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELL **because that's what you made Jade's life!"

I gasped for air.

Have you ever had a **bad **day? I'm not talking about a minor BOOP, BOOP "no, no" type of day. Most people have had those, but I'm talking about a scorching, searing, tormenting day. The type that **starts **feeling the way you might have felt on a minor bad day at the very end and builds up to nearly unbearable. The pain I'm feeling now made days like that seem like going out for an ice cream.

"C…c…c…c…c…can you at least forgive me," I asked.

I knew I had GOD'S forgiveness. I just wish I had Jade and Beck's forgiveness. Beck and Jade looked at each other and huddled together.

My breath was getting shorter. I wasn't scared about dying. I was scared about dying without forgiveness of my victims. Stabbing pain shot through my chest and I wasn't sure if it was the AIDS or my heart cracking. I knew that my time here on Earth was short.

"I forgive you," Jade said, "but not for your sake. I forgive you for **my **sake. You can float up to heaven or burn in hell for all I care though the later seems all the better. But I will never forgive you for your sake. You're evil and you're forgiven"

That was enough. Sputtering I breathed my last and suddenly the pain stopped. I felt myself floating. Then I saw a rainbow colored light and the gates of heaven opened to me. I heard a gentle voice telling me, "Eli Whiteshell welcome to my home" and I knew it was GOD.


	47. Sunrise

Disclaimer: I own Sunrise

* * *

Jade's point of view

We drove home without saying anything about Eli. We both knew we had to talk about it but honestly for the moment I finally felt free of him. I finally felt free. It's like being trapped for years and seeing everyone else free. Finally I got to experience that freedom.

Beck squeezed my hand.

"He can't hurt you anymore," he told me

"I know," I said even though it wasn't true. I would NEVER be able to go into room 10D again or even past it without remembering this nightmare. For now though I knew that **he **couldn't torment me again.

It was enough to know that he could never hurt Willow. I knew the day would come where things would change and I was relieved that they had changed for better, not worse. I knew things were okay… at least for now. I even started thinking about things that I had to look forward too. I was extremely excited to see Willow playing Cinderella.

Beck's point of view

We passed a pet shop.

"Come on," Jade told me, "Lets go in"

"Why," I asked.

"Willow has wanted a dog for a long time," Jade said, "You know that"

I did know that.

"Sure," I said.

We went into the pet store. We saw all kinds of cute dogs. Then Jade spotted the one that she thought Willow should have. She was perfect.

"What should we call her," I asked Jade.

"I was thinking about Sunrise," Jade said, "because a new day has come"

Sunrise was a perfect name. I knew Willow would love it:

"How much is that doggie in the window," I asked the saleswoman.

"Oh you mean the one with the waggly tail"

"Yes"

"She's $500.00 plus tax.

Sunrise and all her supplies cost me $1,500 and she was worth every penny.

Willow's point of view

Mommy and daddy came home while cousin Cat was giving me breakfast. Mommy had the most adorable puppy in her arms.

"Hey Willow," daddy said, "This is Sunrise. We got her for you"

I was so excited. I loved her right away.


	48. Sunrise over the Horizion

Andre's point of view

Sunrise was the cutest pug. She was so tiny and so cute. I knew she would be a lot of world... but she was so worth it. It was especially worth it to see Willow smile. I loved Willow's smile.

Sunrise's point of view

My new owner is the cutest little girl. I really like her. She rubs my tummy. She plays with me. She makes me bark in delight.

Beck's point of view

Unfortunately Sunrise had an accident.

"Uh-oh," Jade said, "come on Sunrise. We'll go for a walk"

"Can I take her mommy?"

"We can go together," Jade said, "but you're a little too young to be out by yourself

Jade's point of view

I let Willow hold the leash and I held her hand.

"Mommy thank you so much for giving me Surprise," Willow said, "I love her, I love her, I love her, I love her, I love her"

Willow's face was all lit up. Any time she did that it made my heart a lot lighter.

"I love you Willow," I told her, "and I love… Sunrise"

Willow's point of view

Sunrise was the sweetest dog. She was so playful. She made mommy smile.

"Mommy," I said, "You seem to be feeling better"

Mommy picked me up.

Jade's point of view

"Willow," I told her, "I know I've seemed sad lately. There is a very grown up reason why I was so sad but the reason is gone now sweetheart. You and daddy were the two things that made me happy. But mommy's going to be sad a lot less often now. I just need you to know if mommy has a bad day I'm still okay"

I snuggled her close to me. Things were changing. The sunrise was coming out over the horizon. I knew that Willow was going to have a mother who was okay. What I didn't know was how much again life was going to change soon.

That day was a while off. I didn't know about it at this point. I was glad I didn't know about it. I didn't know what I would go through but I do know one thing. It was all worth it.


	49. The Student Becomes The Teacher

At this point I would like to take the time to thank stephensbria because she has inspired A LOT of my story.

* * *

((Flashback))

Tori's point of view

_On day seven of school I was getting tired of Jade beating on herself because someone had raped her. It wasn't her fault and I was going to prove it once and for all._

_"Excuse me Beck," I said, "I have something that I want to show everyone"_

_"Take it away Tori," he said with a grin._

_I stepped up to the front of the room and took of my pin._

_I handed the pin to Jade._

_"Jade what does this look like"_

_Jade stared at me like I was an idiot._

_"It looks like a pin," she said, "a 3rd step pin to be more specific since it's written on there. It's a rather pretty pin too,"_

_I smiled._

_"Beck," I said, "toss me your can of soda. Robbie go get me a clear cup over water. Sinjin if you could toss your ketchup my way... that would be great and Andre your hot sauce"_

_I said thank you when I got everything._

_I mixed ketchup, soda and hot sauce into a bowl and dipped my pin into it. I pulled it out._

_"Now can anyone tell me what this looks like," I asked_

_"Messy," Andre called out._

_"Used," Beck suggested._

_"Jade," I asked, "what does this make you think of"_

_"Me," she said quietly, "I used to be right and pure and now I'm… like this piece of crap"_

_I dipped the jewelry in the clean water and produced a beautiful pin._

_"Jade," I told her, "**T**hisis you. You are beautiful and nothing is going to change that._

_"The PIECE OF SHIT that did that to you is ugly and disgusting and it's ugly and disgusting that you had to suffer through what you did"_

_"It's my fault," Jade said, "I shouldn't have been in room 10D in the first place. I should have fought harder!"_

_"NO," I emphasized, "HE shouldn't have RAPED you. It was HIS fault and not yours in any way shape or form."_

_"There is only one person at fault and it is not you. Frankly I hope this lowlife SON OF A BITCH DIES a painful miserable death and rots in HELL forever for what he did to you but I don't want you blaming yourself. It wasn't your fault what happened."_

_"You know what Vega," Jade said_

_"What," I asked_

_Jade grinned_

_"You're alright"_

_"You know what West," I told her, "You're not so bad yourself"_

_"You know what Tori," Beck said, "that was an A+"_


	50. It's Called Drama For A Reason

Jade's point of view

I was walking Sunrise again with Willow. It was such a beautiful day. For once everything was perfect and I thought it would be for a very long time. Little did I know that soon a dark cloud would once again descend over the sunshine of our lives. Someone… a guy I didn't know grabbed Willow and snatched her from my clutches and then he started groping her.

I wasn't going to take that lying down. I ran up to him and kicked him where he didn't want to be kicked. He dropped Willow.

"Oh you're going to regret this BITCH," he said.

"Willow," I told her, "go back to the RV"

Before I could say another word the man spoke.

"Do you know who I am?"

"I don't care," I said, "You're not going to hurt Willow"

He slapped me, hard across the face and punched me in the nose breaking it. Another punch in the mouth caused my lip to split.

Then he introduced himself.

"My name is David Roger (kick to my private) Whiteshell and **you **ruined my brothers (slap) like"

"I ruined **your **brother's life," I hissed in pain, "Your brother **raped **me."

"Well you don't have to worry about me doing that," he assured me, "I only buy fresh meat. That's why I tried to get the little girl"

Anger shot through me before a bullet did. I lay on the ground bleeding like a pig (I think) at which point David made his escape. It was right then that Beck came out. He had Sinjin and Dr. Oliver along with Willow with him.

Beck's point of view

"YOU," I told Sinjin, "Watch Willow and keep her away from this mess."

"You're letting me watch Willow," Sinjin said excitedly

"Sinjin **there is no time for this game**," I told him.

Dr. Oliver was already kneeling by Jade's side.

"It looks a lot worse then it is," he told me.

Jade's point of view

At the hospital a doctor named Dr. Waters stitched me up and gave me pain medication. My nose was broken and I had a split lip as well. The wounds were superficial but it hurt like hell. Still there was NO WAY that I was taking that pain medication. It would make me unable to properly care for Willow and I wasn't going to let anything get in my way of taking care of Willow.

I knew I would be able to hide the pain from her. I had years of acting experience.

"Thank you," I told the doctor.

Then I shared my concern with him.

"The medication is strong," she said, "but it won't make you loopy. It will just take away the pain"


	51. Meeting Willow O

Sinjin's point of view

"Cousin Sinjin what's wrong with mommy," Willow asked.

Her lisp had really cleared up.

"Nothing honey," I told her, "Your mom will be back home tonight. She just got an owie that's all"

Beck had text me and let me know that all was well and Jade would be home tonight.

"Hey," I told Willow, "I have a cousin who has your name?"

"Really," Willow asked, "How old is she?"

"She's just a baby," I told her, "Want to meet her?"  
Willow nodded esthetically. I called my aunt Charlotte and let her know I was on my way with Willow.

"My friend Jade and Beck's little girl," I explained, "she really wants to meet Willow"

"Okay," Aunt Charlotte said, "do you think she's going to want to hold her?"

Willow my cousin had brittle bone disorder so they had to be careful with that.

"I don't know," I said, "I'd prepare ahead of time just to be on the safe side"

½ an hour later we got to the house.

Charlotte's point of view

The doorbell rang at six o'clock. I went to answer the door and the most adorable blonde hair blue eyed little girl was there with my nephew.

"Hi," I greeted her, "You must be Willow" 

She was the most adorable child I had seen in a long time. She wasn't as cute as my girls (in my opinion) but then again any mother would say that.

"Yes I am Willow and I hear you have a Willow"

I nodded.

"Would you like to meet her," I asked, "My other daughter is at play practice now but you can meet the baby"

She nodded excitedly.

"Can I hold her too," she asked

"Yes," I said, "But there's a specific way you have to hold her. I show you"

Sinjin's point of view

Willow was great with the baby. It distracted her from worrying about Jade. Beck text me and let me know they were on their way home.

"We have to go," I told them

Willow handed the baby back to Charlotte.

Beck's point of view

Jade seemed to be feeling a lot better. Her nose was still sore. Her lip still hurt a little and the stitches were achy. She cheered up right away when Willow came in.

"Mommy," Willow said, "I can videotape me in the show if you can't go"


	52. Three Things Each Part I

Jade's point of view

"Willow honey," I told her, "I'm okay. I just have a little owiee. I wouldn't miss your being Cinderella for the world. I will be there every day that week. Now why don't you go have a yice cream and then get ready for a nap."

She looked a little fussy.

"You can put on your Cinderella music," I told her.

"Okay," she said cheerfully.

"Impromptu lesson in six minutes," Beck announced.

Everyone cheered.

Beck's lessons weren't boring. They were filled with fun, excitement and laughter. I was propped up on the armchair where Beck normally sat. It was just more comfortable for me and the doctor said it should take about 5 to 7 days to heal. Thanks to the pain pill I wasn't in agony but I was uncomfortable.

We met in the front room of the RV in exactly six minutes.

"Now," Beck said, "Tori I want you to tell me three things you like about yourself and then three things you like about everyone else here"

"Okay," Tori said, "I'm a pretty good performer, I'm great with kids and I'm persistent. Trina… well despite how she can act a little self centered she's the best sister ever. She's always there supporting me when I need her. I know I can count on her to be there for me. She is always making me laugh even after I had the worst day ever. Beck honestly what I like most about you is that I can be myself around you. Most people… they are consistently telling people the 'right' way to be instead of letting them be themselves. I also like the fact that you're so funny and the fact that you genuinely care. Cat I **love **your enthusiasm. I love the way that you're unpredictable. I love the fact that you always care about everyone even if they've done you wrong. Rex, I like the way you tell it like it is, but you need to be careful with that because some people are very sensitive-"

"Yeah but you try being in my shoes-"

"Actually," Beck said, "I don't think your shoes would fit us. They're kind of small"

I cracked up then groaned because laughing hurt the stitches. Beck kissed my forehead then handed me an ice pack. The relief was immense.

"Anyway," Tori said, "Rex I also like the fact that you are so funny. You have a great sense of humor. It's a dark sense of humor but a great one never the less. Oh and even though you'd never admit it, you're nice. Robbie I think you're a good listener and I love that about you. I think you can be pretty stubborn at times which is good and I love your loyalty. Andre what can I say about you? You're the one that made me realize that I did belong. You're the one that made me realize I'm not a loser. You're the one that's always been there for me even when I doubted myself 10 fold. Sinjin, well you're definitely unique…"

I couldn't argue with that. I think creepy is a better word for it personally but unique works too.

"You're creative and you're reliable."

He really was reliable such as the way he took care of Willow today."

"Jade," Tori began and looked directly at me, "Well there's so much I could say about you but I think I said it a long time ago. You're the most confident person I ever met in and of you don't doubt your decisions and if someone questions you, you tell them to **back off **and don't change your opinions just because someone says you should. "

She was right about that. It felt really good to hear it though.

"You also have your own style," she said, "you do what you think is right even though it's different from everyone else"

"Thank you Tori," I said touched, "that means a lot to me"

"Finally," Tori said, "You're kindhearted and your bitchy attitude can't hide that. Through the time we've known one another you've become like a sister to me and I've come to love you."

Tears came to my eyes.

"What about Willow," Beck asked, "what do you like about her?"

"Willow? Well she has a smile that can light up Hollywood. She's probably the sweetest person in the world. Oh and she's Jade's little girl which makes her special"


	53. Three Things Each Part II

Andre's point of view

After Tori went it was my turn. Finding three things I liked about Tori was easy.

"Tori," I told her, "I don't know if I ever told you this but thank you so much for being there for me when I was going through a tough time. That's one thing that makes me love you. I can always count on you. You're also loyal and you're hot!"

Trina was a little harder. The girl was annoying.

"Trina you're good at going after what you want. I also think you're a little bit funny sometimes and you always accept things when you're ready too."

That was seriously the best I could do with Trina.

"Beck," I said, "I think your rules **rock**. I also love the way you're so connected with us. Oh and I think your sense of humor ROCKS!"

Cat was easy to come up with. She reminded me of a little girl.

"Cat I absolutely love how you get so excited about everything," I told her and saw her face light up.

"Thanks," she said, "You know one time-"

"And I love all the cute stories you tell about your brother," I interrupted not wanting to hear one at the moment.

"Thanks," she said again."

"Oh and I think your hair is the best," I said, "where did you come up with the idea to dye your hair that color"

That was a mistake on my part. She went into a 30 minute story about how she came up with the idea to dye her hair that color. Beck didn't even shut her up. But to be perfectly honest I didn't mind. I actually enjoyed hearing the story.

\ "Rex," I said, "you're Robbie's little brother so you're special in your own right. Robbie I love the way you take care of Rex. I love the way you're a good friend to the people who need you. I love the fact that I can always depend on you-"

Jade's point of view

Suddenly my heart started pounding like a drum. I couldn't think. I could move. I couldn't speak.

_Okay Jade, _I told myself, _just breathe through this. It'll be over soon._

Beck's point of view

Jade looked pale and pasty. Something was clearly bothering her. It looked like she was having a panic attack.

"Guys," I said, "We'll continue this later"

They understood. They left while I stayed with Jade.


	54. Another Cruel Twist of Fate

Beck's point of view

DAMNIT! This is all my fault. If I hadn't gone away for the summer this wouldn't have happened to Jade. Even if it did happen at least I would have been there to get her through it instead of having to spend the summer without the one person she should always be able to count on. I don't know what I was thinking going away for the summer.

Jade's point of view

I felt a pair of hands on my shoulder rubbing them softly.

"Jade," Beck told me, "It's okay. It's over. I will never let anyone ever hurt you again"

He wiped away the tears that I didn't know were there."

Beck's point of view

It was just a summer vacation program. I wasn't going to be away all that long. It was an experience program. Jade thought it would be fine if I went but I had a gut feeling that said don't go. I should have listened to my gut.

Jade's point of view

After three bottles of ice cold water and Beck soothing me and rubbing my back and letting me cry on his shoulder I felt a little bit better.

"Thank you," I said finally able to breathe, "I don't know what happened to me. I think my emotions were just running high. I don't get why I'm so emotional"

"I get it," Beck said

Beck's point of view

She doesn't **get **why she's so emotional? In the past four months she was raped, threatened, diagnosed with HPV, shot with a stun gun, nearly sees Willow get raped and oh yeah gets a broken nose, jaw and shot in the shoulder and she doesn't get why she's so emotional? Who WOULDN'T be emotional after what she went through. Getting up in the morning is a struggle every day. Jade has to be strong for Willow but sometimes she needs someone to be strong for her.

Jade's point of view

I have to be strong. I can't let Willow know that there's anything wrong. All of a sudden I heard a scream coming from Sinjin's direction. He walked in with Willow who was all hot and sweaty.

"Her blood sugar is way low," he told me.

Dr. Oliver was in the room at the same time.

"Sinjin take the wheel," he ordered, "we're going to Hollywood General"

"What's going on," I asked terrified

"Calm down Jade," Beck said, "I'm sure it's nothing"

Beck looked just as scared as I felt.

Beck's point of view

My uncle held Willow while I tried to calm Jade down. Once we got to the hospital my uncle took Willow in with him barking all sorts of orders. I tried to stay calm but I was terrified. What was wrong with Willow? What was going on with my daughter!


	55. The Bomb Drops

Okay Hooked on Fun I know I shouldn't be tourturing Jade like this...lol but it's going to have a happy ending

* * *

Jade's point of view

I clung to Beck as if my whole world depended on him because at this very moment it did. I could hardly move. I was terrified that Dr. Oliver was going to come out any minute with news of Willow's death.

"Jade listen to me," he told me gently lifting my chin, "Whatever is wrong we're going to find out and she's going to get better"  
I wanted to believe that but right now my little girl was in a hospital room fighting for her life.

Beck's point of view

DAMN WHAT THE HELL IS TAKING SO LONG," I thought to myself. It was taking hours. After what I thought would take forever my uncle came out.

"Beck," he said, "Jade come with me"

He led us into a private room.

"Willow's pancreas is enlarged," he told us looking grim.

"E-enlarged? What do you mean," Jade nearly screamed.

"There's no easy way to say this so I'm going to come right out and say it. Willow has a tumor inside her pancreas"

Jade's Point of View

There are some words in like you never want to hear. Willow having a tumor in her pancreas was one of the things I never wanted to hear.

"Is it cancerous," I asked quietly.

"We won't know until we do a biopsy," Dr. Oliver said, "If it is cancerous we'll have to talk about the options"

Talk about the options?

Let's add, talk about the options to the list of things I never want to hear. Four months ago when I was raped I thought my life could not possibly get any worse. Let me tell you something. If it could cure Willow I would GLAD;U relive the day of my rape over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again. I would walk across a bed of nails to make my little girl better.

I didn't want to talk about the options. I didn't want to FUCKEN need options. My baby, the one I raised since she was an infant was dying. She had a tumor in her pancreas. It could be cancer.

Cancer! There's another word I never wanted to hear.

"The tumor it seems was growing for a long time. It was just to small to be detected. Survival rate with her situation is about 60%."

Sixty percent! That's the same as saying that there is a 30 percent chance that Willow could die! No this is not happening. I am NOT going to lose Willow.


	56. Reactions

It will all come together in the end

* * *

Tori's point of view

The results of the biopsy are back. Willow has stage II Pancreatic cancer. I know what cancer is. I had it myself when I was twelve, in my brain. Damnit it's not fair!

Jade's point of view

I just got through HPV and now my Willow has stage II pancreatic cancer? Why is this always happening? It's like one crap storm after another. It's not fair. This can't be happening to my baby.

Cat's point of view

Cancer? My little brother is a cancer. I'm a Gemini. Cancer and Gemini are supposed to not get along well but my brother is my best friend. Anyway I thought Willow was an Aries.

Beck's point of view

What the hell is this? Why is GOD always being mean to Jade and to Willow? How can he let Willow have such a terrible disease? You are **not **going to kill Willow off. I'm not going to let Willow die. I can't lose her and Jade can't lose her.

Andre's point of view

I'm waiting to hear that this is just a joke. I'm waiting to hear that it was a mistake. I'm waiting to hear anything to make it just not be true. This is the worst thing that could possibly be happening. Nobody has any control of this terrible situation.

Robbie's point of view

Normally I'm a shy person. I let Rex do all my bidding for me. I can however remember a time where one of my friends was doing something stupid or about to anyway and I put a stop to that real fast. I told him he was being an idiot and he needs to learn to listen. But you can't say that to GOD and He's the one that made Willow sick.

Rex's point of view

You know normally I have an 'I could care less' front. It's not that I could care less. It's that I don't want to be hurt. Nothing could stop me from caring about this little girl. I loved her and she was likely going to die"

Doctor Oliver's point of view

Willow's condition looked grave. There was only one chance for her. I gathered everyone together.

"We need to talk," I told them, "One of you may be the key to saving Willow."

Then I started to explain.


	57. Too Much To Shoulder

High On Fun thank you for the idea for this chapter

* * *

Beck's point of view

_It was years ago that I learned to listen. I had gotten a stupid idea in my head and it was really upsetting Jade. I was stubborn and really didn't think about her needs. Somehow it led into a huge fight. I brought it up to my friends assuming they would side with me._

Doctor Oliver's point of view

In order for Willow to recover she needs treatment but her little body is too weak to handle the side effects. There is a treatment that could save her but it would require someone to partner up with her during treatment. She would get the benefits but the side effects would be transferred to the other person. This treatment isn't 100% guaranteed but it's the only chance for her survival. She's just too far gone by now because it went undiagnosed so long.

Beck's point of view

_My friends were not as supportive as I expected them to be. They sided with Jade. I will never forget what Robbie said to me._

"_You know Beck," he scolded, "for a smart guy you're an idiot"_

_I was taken aback by Robbie's words._

Tori's point of view

"I'll do it," I said, "I'll partner up with Willow"

Jade looked at me touched.

"Tori," she said, "are you sure?"

"You just got over HPV treatment," I pointed out, "You're not strong enough and I am a cancer survivor so I'm used to the side effects"

Jade's eyes filled with tears.

Beck's point of view

_"She has to know she can handle this," I explained_

_Rex slapped me upside the head (but I thought that was Robbie)_

"_OW," I whined_

"_Beck," he told me, "You don't take a person who's drowning and give them swimming lessons by throwing them into the deep water"_

_Those words stuck with me_

Jade's point of view

"When does Willow start treatment," I asked

"Next week," Dr. Oliver said, "she needs time to recover from this hospital visit. When she's not in the hospital it's important you keep her life as normal as possible"

"Can she still perform," I asked.

I'm not like a stage mother but I knew how excited Willow was about playing Cinderella.

Beck's point of view

The thing is that right now Jade was drowning… and life had thrown her into the deep water. Right now my big girl was worrying herself sick about my little girl and there was no way to detain this snowball that was plowing out of control. I found it a relief that I was with Jade to hold her hand through this. If she was drowning I was going to somehow keep us afloat or I would go down with her. She is **not** going to be alone in this.

Dr. Oliver's point of view

"Well," I told them, "I'll give her some medication to make her feel better. If she's up to playing the part then she can. But she needs to take it easy until the play so basically…"

I trailed off. Jade and Beck nodded with a blank look of understanding on their face.


	58. I Didn't know this was only the begining

A-N: This is a diary entry Jade wrote last year when she had just gotten past a difficult time

From the diary of Jade West

October 2nd

_** I try to tell myself the worst is over. I try to tell myself to stop crying. I try to tell myself that the nightmare has come to an end but the nightmare still haunts me. I am shaking so badly today. It's sometimes too much to bear.**_

_** I cling to Beck like I'll never let go. He is my world. He is my heart and soul and every breath that I take. He is the only thing that makes my world right. I need him and he knew I need him because he's been holding me tighter… assuring me that the nightmare is over.**_

_** I'm glad that the nightmare is over but it still happened. It still happened and I don't get why I can't just get over it, especially now that it's not a problem anymore. It's over… but it's like it's still there. Why can't I just forget about it? Why can't I push that part of my life aside?**_

_** I'm not like this normally. Usually I'm strong, not weak. Usually I can let anything roll off my back like a duck lets water roll off of his back. Beck explained to me that I was like a beautiful rosebud and a rosebud needs to know that she can grow to become a rose. Well great now I'm a rose but I feel like I've been stuck by a thorn.**_

_** I feel like this nightmare is never going to end. I feel like I just can't get past this storm and the storm is over. Oh my GOD how am I going to continue when this past keeps haunting me. **_

_Jade_

_Last year after the storm passed and the waters receded and became calm I finally felt relief._

_ I didn't know that was only the beginning. I didn't know that my world was just going to come crashing down around me. First Willow gets diagnosed with what they think is diabetes. My rape comes next. After that HPV and worst of all Willow's diagnose with pancreatic cancer. _

When I was going through a tough time last year, before my rape my friends were always there for me. They didn't leave me to drown and I was so grateful to that. I'm still haunted by my rape and I don't think that nightmare will ever go away. If I lose Willow a lose the most precious piece of myself… the only part that makes me… me. I can't lose my baby.

Beck sees how hard I am fighting and how tired I am of hurting. He goes over to me and sooths me.

"It's not okay right now," he told me, "but it's going to be"

I nodded. He pulled me into another room so we could talk without being interrupted.


	59. You Are Broken But You Are NOT Destroyed

Jade's point of view

Once we got into the other room Beck held me until I calmed down.

"I feel so broken," I whispered to him.

He knelt to my level. Tears filled his eyes.

"Jade," he told me, "You are broken"

"You have been through hell the last 4 years. You've been through losing your parents, raising Willow, my not always being there, which by the way will **never **happen again and so many other horrible things in your life. You've been through rape, an AIDS scare, you're terrified to go into room 10D which used to be nothing but an annoyance before. You've been through cancer. You've been shot.

"You've been through chemo and radiation and electrode therapy. You've been through so much that I couldn't even begin to comprehend and you have been broken. You will never be fixed," he told me gently, "because you can't go back and change what happened to you and it wasn't your fault in any way shape or form. You will always be broken but Jade you are not destroyed. You are not anywhere close to being destroyed.

"Do you know what I thought of all the time when I was at that summer program? You. I couldn't stop thinking about your because you are my heart. You are also the strongest person I know."

"STRONG," I exclaim surprised, "I found myself haunted by my past even after it's over"

"Yes because you feel," Beck told me, "and you have a soul. You may be broken and I would do anything to go back and to be able to fix you. I wish that I could. GOD I wish I hadn't gone to that summer program-"

"Beck," I said, "It would have happened anyway"

I knew I wasn't destroyed but at the moment I felt like I was. I don't get why this happened to me. I mean I know I did some bad things in my life but was it this bad. I sure as **hell **didn't understand why this happened to Willow. She's only a little girl.

I remember when Willow was an infant I used to lay on the bed with her on my chest and sing to her. It was a song from Peter Pan.

_Tender Shepard _

_Tender Shepard_

_Let me help you count your sheep_

_One in the meadow_

_Two in the garden_

_Three in the nursery _

_Fast asleep_

_Fast asleep_

_Fast asleep_

Now a different song is coming into my head. It's called Distant Melody.

_Once upon a time_

_And long ago_

_I heard someone singing_

_Soft and low_

_Now when day is done and night is near_

_I recall that song I used to hear_

Beck is right. I may be broken and I always will be broken but I am not destroyed. Just like I won't let Willow fall I know Beck won't let me fall. His warm arms around me tell me that I'm safe and that he's here.

"It's okay for you to carry Willow," he told me, "But please let me carry you."


	60. One Day Closer

This is a flashback

* * *

Jade's point of View

_I hadn't known Eli too well. I didn't hate him. I didn't particularly like him. We just were… well just acquaintances. The day Beck had left for the summer program I had been in room 10D helping to set up for an event… a summer party._

_It was just Eli and I setting up. I was really upset about Beck leaving for the summer program and Eli noticed that I was upset. _

"_You okay," he asked me._

"_Do I __**look **__okay," I snapped_

"_Why are you upset," he asked gently_

_That's when I did it. That's when I let my guard down only for a second. I told him about Beck being away at the summer program._

"_Think of it this way," he told me, "Every day you're one day closer to him coming back"_

"_I like that," I told him._

_Suddenly I heard the door lock. He grabbed me from behind and spun me around. I saw he had a pair of sharp scissors on him._

"_If you scream," he told me evilly, "I will stab you in the neck with them. Do you understand me babe"_

_Oh my GOD! What's going to happen to Willow? I had to remain calm and force myself not to scream as he forced himself onto me._

"_Take off your clothes," he told me._

_At that point I felt like a mindless robot. _

_"I… I don't want to," I squeaked_

"_Did I ask you if you wanted to," he said slapping me once, hard._

_Tears filled my eyes. I missed Beck like nobody's business. He pointed the scissors at me._

_"CLOTHES OFF NOW," he snapped in a whisper, "TAKE THEM OFF BABE!"_

_I did what he had ordered me to do. I didn't even fight as he took my innocence and beat me. Then he left. I couldn't breathe or think._

_I wished so badly that Beck was there. I needed him more then anything now. I wanted to be lying in his arms… not a cold hard floor in pain. I must have been whimpering because all of a sudden the door opened. Tori came in and seeing the shape I was in ran over to me!_


	61. Heartsick

Beck's point of view

_"Hey Oliver," the leader of the summer program (who happened to be a friend of mine) called out, "You look like you're going to throw up"_

_You know how twins can feel it when their twin is hurt? You know how they know something's just not right? Well Jade and I weren't twins obviously (that would be really disturbing if we were) even though we had the exact same birthday, but there was something wrong with Jade. I had that feeling in the pit of my stomach._

_"I need to call Jade," I told him, "I just… I have a feeling something's not right. I need to hear her voice."_

"_That's probably just nerves," he assured me, "You're probably wondering if you should have gone to the program or not and you're probably just thinking about her-"_

"_Please Gene I need to call her," I begged, "I just need to make sure she's alright"_

_He led me into his office._

Tori's point of view

_Andre and I were in the waiting room. Jade was having a rape kit done to her. Cat had gone to the RV to take care of Willow. I wish Beck were here. Jade really needed him right now._

_Her phone vibrated. I saw that it was Beck and I went to take the call outside._

"_Hello," I said._

"_Tori! Listen I need to talk to Jade"_

Beck's point of view

_"Jade actually can't talk right now," she told me, "Willow has a really bad cold and she's bathing her at the moment"_

_Poor Willow. I should have thought about her before I went to the summer program. It seemed like a great idea at the time. _

"_Jade," I asked Tori, "How is she doing"  
_

_"She's just… well she's had better days," Tori said, "She probably just misses you a bunch"_

"_Please tell her it's only for the summer," I asked, "and that I'll never go away like that again after I come back. Tell her I miss her every bit as much as she misses me"_

"_I will," she told me_

_I didn't know at this point how much 4 months would change my life and Jade's life._

Tori's point of view

_I couldn't tell him over the phone. That's not something you say over the phone. He had to know… and he would know but I just couldn't tell him over the phone. It wasn't fair to him and it wasn't fair to Jade. He had made a commitment to the program and couldn't get out of it so all it would do, would be to make him heartsick. _

_I walked into the hospital waiting room where the nurse gently told me I could go in. Jade was curled up in a ball whimpering._

"_Willow," she asked when she saw me, "is she alright?"_

_I nodded._

"_Cat's taking care of her," I told Jade, "she's going to be just fine"_

Even with Jade's rape her only thoughts are of Willow


	62. I Still Have Some Fight Left In Me

Jade's point of view

_I didn't think it was possible to be as scared as I was at that very moment. Oh I had been scared before but this was different. This was a fear that wasn't for me. I was terrified for Willow. She was only 3-years-old._

_Willow would turn four next week. I would still be in the hospital. How was I going to hide this from Willow? She's a bright child. She'll know something's wrong when I can't be there on her birthday._

_Another thought struck me. Eli was HIV+. What if I had AIDS? I don't want to die and leave Willow. I know how horrible it is to be apart from someone you love._

_DAMN WHY IS THIS HAPPENING? WHY DOES MY BABY GIRL HAVE TO GO THROUGH ALL OF THIS? FIRST BECK GOES AWAY FOR THE SUMMER. IT'S A STUPID SUMMER PROGRAM AND NOW HE'S NOT HERE. WILLOW SHOULD BE CARED FOR BY HER PARENTS NOT BY A FRIEND OF HER MOTHER'S._

_Biologically I'm not Willow's mother but I'm the one who raised her. For all intent and purposes I am her mother. She grew up knowing me as mommy and Beck as daddy. MY GOD HOW AM I GOING TO STAY POSITIVE AFTER THIS! I KNOW I WILL BUT I DON'T KNOW __**HOW **__I WILL _

_Wanting to distract myself from what's going on a switched on the TV. General Hospital was on. I'm a fan of that show. Dominique said something that caught my attention._

_"Don't worry," she said, "I still have some fight left in me. It's not going to win"_

_Well I sure as hell had some fight left in me. I wasn't going to give up the fight because I wasn't fighting for myself. I was fighting for Willow._

_Willow sure as hell wasn't going to know anything was wrong. Willow sure as hell wasn't ever going to be hurt as long as I had any say about it. Willow was going to have a happy and perfect childhood. I still had some fight left in me and her name is Willow._


	63. Surviving or not

Beck's point of view

_Even though Tori said nothing was wrong, I couldn't shake the feeling that something wasn't right. Tori sounded funny. She sounded scared. It was as if she was trying to hide something. I felt a tear roll down my eye._

Jade's point of view

_On one hand I'm glad Beck is away. I am destroyed. He can't see me like this. He would stop loving me. I'm no longer innocent. _

Beck's point of view

_"OLIVER!"_

_I tried to focus._

"_Huh," I said_

"_Boy what's with you," Gene asked, "You're spacey today"_

"_I… I'm find," I said_

Jade's point of view

_Tori has been by to see me every day. She and I didn't get along well at first but she's been a good friend to me lately. Once I understood her situation we became friends. I didn't know her situation when all of this was going on. I didn't know until much later._

Gene's point of view

_It's been a week and Beck clearly can't get Jade out of his mind. I normally wouldn't do this but Beck is falling apart. Every other word out of his mouth is "Jade". One time he actually said to me, "I guess I'm not as strong as I thought I was". I place a call to Jade's cell phone_

Tori's point of view

_"Hello?"_

"_May I speak with Ms. West please," the voice on the other line asks._

"_She… something happened," I told Gene. _

_I recognized his voice_

"_Jade isn't really doing so well"_

Gene's point of view

_"Neither is Beck," I told Tori, "I'm actually calling to arrange for Jade to visit Beck"_

"_Unfortunately," Tori said quietly, "that's physically impossible. Jade is in the hospital"_

_Oh GOD, I thought to myself._

_I decided not to tell Beck because he was upset enough as it is and he didn't need this._

Willow's point of view

_Mommy's been gone for awhile. I really miss her and daddy. Cousin Cat is really great but I hear her crying sometimes and I think it has to do with mommy. Please GOD send mommy and daddy back. I miss them._

The mommy and daddy Willow is refering to are Beck and Jade not her biological parents. Her biological parents died when she was less then a week old


	64. Healing Words

Cat's point of view

I was baking red velvet cupcakes when Willow comes into the kitchen.

"Cousin Cat," she asked me, "is mommy going to die?"

I nearly chocked on the water I was drinking.

"Willow," I sat gently, "Com're"

She walked over to me and I sat her in my lap.

"You see Willow," I said, "Mommy has been hurt really badly. She's fighting to get better and she's going to get better. But she has to be in a place for awhile called a hospital where they make her better."

"Can I see her," Willow asked.

"I don't think that's a good idea," I explained, "because she's hurt too bad right now. But we can make a video diary where we tape you talking to her and give it to her and you can talk to her on the phone. I think that would make mommy feel a whole lot better"

"Okay," Willow said wiping away a tear from her eye.

I got out the video camera.

"Hi mommy," Willow said


	65. Two Promises

Beck's point of view

_Finally the summer program is over. It's been WAY too long to go without seeing Jade. I can't wait to see her again. I don't know what I was thinking signing up for that summer program anyway. It's another 3 hours till I'm home and another 45 minutes till I'm back at the RV and it's the longest time of my life!_

Jade's point of view

Only three more hours until Beck comes back. I can't wait to see him. I missed him so much. Tori's giving me a ride to the train station so I can surprise him there. Willow of course will be coming.

Beck's point of view

The minute that I step off the train I am ambushed by the two most beautiful girls ever. Jade clings to me like she'll never let go. Willow jumps in my arms. By the time she reluctantly let go it looked like my shirt had fallen into the ocean.

"OH GOD," she said, "I missed you so much"

Jade's point of view

In Beck's arms I felt safe. In Beck's arms my world made sense again. There was no rape. The three month separation between us never happened. I was back in his arms again and it was the only thing that felt right.

Beck's point of view

Jade couldn't stop crying. I knew the summer apart would affect both of us but I didn't realize how much. She's become a different woman. There's something about her that was dark and at the same time-

"Jade," I asked her, "Where did you get the black eye"

Jade's point of view

I couldn't tell him about the rape.

"I um… walked into a door. I was really tired. I didn't sleep a wink and I just walked into a door"

I hoped he bought it.

Beck's point of view

"Jade," I said, "I missed you so much more then you can even start to imagine. I love you"

"Why did you go into the program," Jade asked

"You want the truth," I asked

"I NEED the truth"

Jade's point of view

"I promised my dad," he told me, "that I would go into that program. It was a promise I made to him before he died. I could NOT break my promise to my father. I felt like I would be betraying him if I did. I will **never** go away again"

* * *

This is the end of the flashback for now... High on Fun if you want to borrow any of my ideas feel free to it


	66. Willow Manks A Friend

Beck's point of view

Willow was able to do Cinderella the first 3 days but she was too tired the last four so her understudy had to take over. By day five we had to check her into the hospital again. She started vomiting blood. Jade and I took turns staying with her. Jade would run things while I stayed with Willow and I would run things while Jade stayed with Willow.

Nobody was really in the mood to do much of anything. The conversations would always go back to Willow.

"I have an idea," I told them one day, "Lets plan something special for Willow"

Everyone loved the idea. It was week 3 and we were back on the ball.

We found out that we would be able to continue as normal but we'd have to stop at the hospital for Willow's treatment every three days. But we weren't sure what to do for Willow until Trina had an idea.

"How about a costume parade," she said

"What in the ham, meat and cheese is a costume parade," I asked.

Trina explained it to us and we got started.

Willow's point of view

I'm so cold. My head hurts. My tummy hurts. I'm thirsty and there isn't a part of me that doesn't ache all over. I can't stop crying.

"It's okay," a tiny voice said.

I look at the bed next to me.

"Hi," I said weakly. My throat hurt too badly to speak very much, "I'm Willow"

"I'm Gavin," the little boy said

"So why are you here," I asked him.

"I have to have an operation. You?"

"I have something called cancer. I don't really know what it is though but it makes me feel yucky.

I wish I didn't have it," I told him

"I wish you didn't have it either," he said, "but want to her some good news"

"Uh-huh?"

"Today Miss Liz comes here with her therapy dog Charm"

"Who's Miss Liz," I asked innocently

Miss Liz, she called herself Miss Lizza Liz is the owner of a dog named Charm. Charm is a therapy dog and Miss Liz does tricks and sings songs to entertain the kids. I'll bet she doesn't sing as good as my mommy sings. But I do love dogs so I'm looking forward to meeting charm and Miss Liz. I just hope I get better soon.

* * *

I would like to credit Sara for the characters of Gavin, Lizza Liz and Charm


	67. Mystery Girl

Tori's point of view

Willow is in the playroom getting ready for today's session with Miss Liz and Charm. I was in the treatment room getting ready to puke my guts up. I swear there are VERY few people I would do this for. Trina, my parents and Willow are pretty much the only ones on the list. Oh, and maybe Andre too.

LIZZA'S point of view

"Hey everyone," I said, "Miss Liz is here"

I spotted a new little girl today.

"And what's your name honey," I asked her.

"I'm Willow," she said, "and you must be Miss Liz?"

"Like Raven from that's so Raven would say," I told her, "that's me"

Tori's point of view

It didn't take long for the side effects to start. It started with the chills. I rang for the nurse and asked her to please get me another blanket. She did but I couldn't stop shivering with cold. The chills were one of the more mild side effects.

LIZZA'S point of view

"Now before I bring in Charm," I told them, "We're going to have a song. Who knows the words to Tender Shepard?"

"I do," Willow said excitedly

"Then come up here," I said, "and sing it with me"

_Tender Shepard_

_Tender Shepard_

_Let me help you count your sheep_

_((Willow)) One_

_In the meadow_

_((Willow)) Two_

_In the garden_

_((Willow)) Three_

_In the nursery _

_Fast asleep_

_Fast asleep_

_Fast asleep_

_Tender Shepard_

_Tender Shepard_

_Watches over all his sheep_

_One _

_((Willow)) say your prayers _

_and two_

_((Willow)) Close your eyes and_

_((Willow)) Three safe and happily_

_Fall asleep_

_Fall asleep_

_Fall asleep_

Tori's point of view

It wasn't that must longer before I felt another mild but annoying side effect. That was watery eyes. Oh my GOD how I hated that. It was a nightmare for me and annoying as hell. I was still shivering like a leaf too.

LIZZA'S point of view

I brought charm in. All the children loved him. But Willow was the only one that didn't jump all over him. She just sat there petting him calmly.

"I have a doggie too," she told me, "Sunrise"

Tori's point of view

Not surprisingly a common side effect hit afterwards. The good ol' vomiting. I only threw up a few times but I hated it every time. The only thing that gave me relief was that Willow was in there playing, blissfully unaware that anything was wrong. She would get better… she had to.

LIZZA'S point of view

"Okay guys," I said, "It's time for our goodbye song. Who knows I LOVE YOU?"

Everyone knew it and we got started.

_I love you_

_((Everyone)) you love me_

_We're a happy family_

_((Everyone)) With a great big hug_

_And a kiss from me to you_

_((Everyone)) Won't you say _

_You love me too_

_I love you_

_((Everyone)) you love me_

_We're all friends_

_((Everyone)) as friends should be_

_With a great big hug_

_((Everyone)) and a kill from me to you_

_Won't you say you love me too?_

I gave Willow a necklace and asked her to hold onto it for me before I left.

* * *

There is something special about LIZZA LIZ and that necklace. Who can guess what it is


	68. Let Me Tell You How Much I Love You

Tori's point of view

We decided that Willow couldn't survive the drive up to Philly so we're going to take an airplane instead. I have to say I thought that was a much better idea. I couldn't drive now to save my life. Andre came in for me with some soup.

"Hey Tori," he said giving me a quick kiss.

Andre's point of view

Tori and I started dating at the end of the summer. Nobody knew about it yet. We've been dating for about 3 weeks now. We were going to announce it on our one month anniversary.

"How are you feeling," I asked her

Tori's point of view

"Better," I told him honestly, "Though I'm not happy about having to go through this every three days"

"I bet you're not," he told me, "but I'm so proud of you for doing this"

"Thanks Andre," I said, "That means a lot to me"

"Well you mean a lot to me," he told me, "by the way I don't know if I ever told you this but thank you for being there for me"

He told me that about 30 times so far in only a three week period.

Andre's point of view

At the beginning of the summer I was going through a very rough time. Tori was given the chance to fix some things that happened and knowing what I was going through she set everything right for me. I never told her to. I never asked her to but somehow she knew what I was thinking. Tori and I connected from the moment we met.

Tori's point of view

The soup was starting to settle my stomach. I was glad to be able to do this for Willow. The soup was also warming me up and my eyes finally stopped watering. I would be going back in a few hours. We wouldn't be doing anything tonight because I needed time to start feeling better and I didn't want to miss anything.

Andre's point of view

I was going to take Tori to a museum tomorrow. Beck was taking Jade and Willow. Robbie, Cat and Rex will be going together. Sinjin will be going with Jade, Beck and Willow… Willow's idea. She didn't want him to be lonely.

Tori's point of view

Andre hugged me and kissed my forehead.

"So," he said, "why don't we take a walk in the park?"

"I would really like that," I told him, "I think some fresh air would do me good"

It really was a beautiful day and I couldn't wait to get outside and get the fresh air on me. I hugged Andre and I realized how much he meant to me.

Jade's point of view

Willow would be coming home from the hospital tomorrow. She would be home for three days and then have to come back. I stayed with her until she was sleeping. I actually fell asleep next to her.

"I love you Willow," I whispered before closing my eyes and drifting off to sleep.


	69. Much Needed Comfort

Jade's point of view

Tori was still a little under the weather when Beck picked us up so we decided to go to the museum during the afternoon instead of the morning. It would give us a late start but that was okay. Willow was playing with one of her friends. I was honestly grateful for that. Willow was my world but I needed some alone time with Beck.

Beck's point of view

Jade and I went to the pier on the beach today. We found a quiet area and we sat together. Jade sat on my lap and clung to me like I was holding her together. In a way, I guess I was holding her together.

"I love you," she told me.

Jade's point of view

Sometimes it seemed like everything was falling apart for me. My rape, my HPV, Willow being sick… all of it was just so overwhelming right now. Honestly I didn't care about anything but Willow in regards to the problems I have at this point. Willow was the only reason I survived my rape. She needed her mother… and I knew that killing myself (which I was so tempted to do many times) would hurt her.

Beck's point of view

I held her to me and rubbed her back.

"How are you holding up," I asked her.

"By my fingernails," she admitted, "Beck I'm so scared. I'm so scared to lose Willow. There's nothing I wouldn't do to get her better."

Jade's point of view

I was never more serious about anything in my life. Just like I would do anything for Beck I would double do anything for Willow. Willow is the best thing that ever happened to me. Beck loves Willow more then he loves me and I love Willow more then I love Beck. Honestly Willow is the only one in the world I don't mind the fact that Beck loves more then me.

Beck's point of view

As we were talking a young woman, maybe around our age or a little older walked over to us.

"Hi," she said, "I'm LIZZA Liz?"

"Great," Jade said, "Remind me to care"

"She's worried," I explained to the girl, "Our child is in the hospital" 

"Willow right," LIZZA Liz asked

Jade's point of view

I looked up.

"You know Willow," I asked.

"Yes. I work at the children's hospital as a volunteer. My dog Charm is a therapy dog."

"Oh," I said, "I'm sorry I was so short-tempered"

"Why," she said, "Your kid is in the hospital. I would be short-tempered too. Willow's going to be fine… just fine"

For some reason I didn't understand that brought me a great deal of comfort.


	70. He's Her Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow

Jade's point of view

That night after the museum Beck and I lay in bed snuggled together with Willow between us. We call it a Willow sandwich and it's my favorite part of the day.

"Can I have a YICE CREAM," Willow asked

Right on time—she asks that every night at 8 o'clock since we started making YICE CREAM. I tested her sugar level and it was a little bit low so a YICE CREAM would actually bring it back up to speed.

Willow's point of view

I love YICE CREAM. I love the creamy sweet taste. I love the cold feeling it has when it goes down my throat. Mostly I love that it's something special that mommy and daddy made just for me. Mommy and daddy actually brought it into the bedroom for me.

Beck's point of view

There was a puppet show at the museum. It was, surprise, surprise; Cinderella. Surprise, surprise Willow wanted to go to see it. I wasn't about to say no. It gives Willow security and after what she's been through she needs that.

Jade's point of view

Beck and I are both getting fed up with Cinderella. At the same time we are both grateful to Cinderella because it takes Willow's mind off the cancer. True she's not suffering the side effects of the chemo thanks to Tori but she's still suffering from the actual cancer. We decided that once the cancer went into remission we would start to wean her off Cinderella. Beck even came up with a great idea on how to do that.

Beck's point of view

Willow has always wanted to go to Disneyworld. She's been to Disneyland before but Disneyworld is so much more exciting. So once she controls herself with Cinderella for a month we will be taking her on a trip to Disneyworld. We know it won't be easy for her but it will be worth it. After Willow had eaten her YICE CREAM she fell asleep.

Jade's point of view

Suddenly, like a floodgate everything going on came spilling out. I clung to Beck like he was my reason and my life. He was like the glue that was holding me together.

"Jade," he asked gently

"I'm sorry," I whispered, "It becomes a lot for me to handle sometimes"

Beck's point of view

I knelt to her level and took one of her hands in both of mine,

"Jade you don't need to apologize," I told her, "It's okay not to be strong all the time. You've always let me lean on you. It's okay for you to lean on me. I love you and I will be your strength"

Jade's point of view

I fell asleep in Beck's arms that night. Willow slept on my tummy. All the thoughts flowed through me. I really was only alive today because of Willow and Beck. I shut down so much but they were my yesterday, my today and my tomorrow. It was always okay.


	71. Holding Down The Current

Jade's point of view

Sometimes I think I can forget. Sometimes it feels like the nightmare has passed. I feel like I'm just floating in a sea of peacefulness. It's a comforting feeling. Then there are times when the current comes and drags me back down.

The thing is, even when I feel like I'm drowning I'm not. I would be drowning without Willow and Beck but they are always there to hold down the current. When Beck is holding my hand I feel like the luckily and most blessed girl in the world. I'm taken to a place far away. I was never hurt or raped in this place that Beck's love takes me to.

When Willow comes up to me and sits on my lap snuggling up to me I feel safe. She doesn't even know how much she saved me. If it's up to me she'll never know what happened to me. She doesn't need that on her head and in her heart. She'll still be young enough for childhood innocence.

Childhood is about enjoying your life. Childhood is about discovering new things. Childhood is about emptying cereal boxes onto the floor, watching Cinderella over and over again, going to Disney, spending time with the people who love you and snuggling up to your parents at bedtime. Sunrise has been her pride and joy ever since we bought her. Willow is the sunrise in my life.

Beck can always tell when I'm overwhelmed. He is always steering me either away from a situation I cannot handle or to a situation I need to face. Just when I feel like I'm drowning he is there, holding down the current. In Beck's arms I feel safe. In Beck's arms I feel like a new life has begun for me.

I could remember one time when Beck first came back from the summer program. I remember the way I **fit **into his arms. It was almost as if he knew there was something not right with me. He held me tighter then usual. At first I thought it was because he missed me so much… and I missed him just as much but now I realize he could tell something was wrong.

As a mother you have to let your child feel that everything is alright. You can't even give them the idea that everything isn't perfect and wonderful and things aren't just right. I wished Willow could stay that innocent forever. She would, I know, stay sweet forever but she would one day lose her perfect world.

I said that I would relive my rape over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again if it would heal Willow's cancer. I didn't know then how strongly my words would be put to the test. I leaned over and kissed Beck.

"Goodnight Beck," I whispered to him

"Goodnight Jade," he whispered back, "I love you"

Soon I was asleep.


	72. It's Not A Dream

Jade's point of view

I felt tired and groggy. I found myself in an ocean, except instead of drowning I was floating above water.

"Jade?"

There was a dog floating next to me.

"WHAT are you," I asked

"Let me introduce myself. My name is Charm."

A dog was talking to me? Well okay! I've had stranger dreams then that before.

"This isn't a dream," Charm said to me, "and I'm not a dog"

"You sure look like a dog," I said, "No offense"

Charm smiled.

"None taken. I'm a heavenly host and I am here to offer you what some might call a gift and a curse"

"I'll take the gift," I said

He cocked his head to the side.

"It doesn't work that way," he said, "I'm giving you the chance for Willow to go into remission and get rid of the cancer"

"Oh HELL yeah," I said

"Just a minute now," Charm told me, "There's a catch"

For Willow to get better I would catch the moon if I had to.

"You have to **relive **your rape every day for a week."

"Done," I told him

It's for Willow. It will be over before I know it"

I was scared to death. I certainly didn't want to relive that day but it seemed like a small price to pay. There was a voice in my head telling me I was crazy. How do I know this isn't some trick of the devil? At this point I really didn't care.

"When do I start," I asked Charm

"Right now," Charm said, "I'll be right there beside you"

_But you can't stop the rape, _I thought to myself

"No," he said, "Let's not forget what the Son did for the people"

I couldn't argue that.

I felt myself falling fast. I once went on a roller coaster ride called the slingshot. I got sick to my stomach. This time it felt both 100% worse and 100% better. This was for Willow… nothing else mattered.


	73. Reliving The Rape

Beck's point of view

Jade was sleeping and clearly not peacefully. She tossed and turned and screamed and cried. I didn't know what was going on but I knew I would know in the morning. I quickly got Willow out of the room explaining that mommy was just having a bad dream. I lay down with Willow until she fell asleep.

Jade's point of view

I was back in that room. It was the last place I ever wanted to be at and the only place I knew I needed to be at. This isn't about me. It's about my daughter. Willow will always come first; that will never change.

Beck's point of view

Once Willow was more settled and fell asleep I went back into the room Jade and I shared. I tried to wake Jade up but it proved impossible. It was as if she were asleep and awake at the same time. It was as if she was here but not here at the same time. I was beginning to get worried.

Jade's point of view

I didn't even fight this time for fear that I would fend off the rape. Charm said I had to RELIVE THE RAPE. As he entered me I felt the bile come up from my throat. I closed my eyes to try to block out the rape and focus on what would really matter. Willow was the only thing that would really matter.

Beck's point of view

"Jade," I gently shook her causing her to kick and shout.

"Baby it's okay," I told her, "It's just a bad dream. Jade, just wake up sweetheart. It's just a bad dream. It's going to be okay"

Jade's point of view

I could hear Beck's voice. I could feel him kiss my forehead. We were worlds apart and I could still hear him and feel him. It comforted me.

Beck's point of view

Jade finally woke up. She was shaking and shivering. I wrapped my arms around her to keep her feeling safe.

"Were you dreaming about your rape," I asked her

"I was reliving it," she whispered

She told me everything that happened that night. I closed my eyes. An idea was coming into my mind. I had to talk to Charm. I hope he would listen.

* * *

Things are about to get INTENSE


	74. Back and Front Doors

Beck's point of view

"Charm?"

The dog suddenly appeared.

"Listen we need to talk. Jade can't go through another six days of being raped"

"Beck," Jade told me, "it's for Willow"

Jade's point of view

Beck calmly held up his hand.

"Let me go through the rest of it"

Charm cocked his head to one side.

"Um Beck," he said, "You do realize that when boys are…raped it's in the back door"

Beck just shrugged.

Beck's point of view

"So what if I have a sore backdoor," I said, "I've had a sore backdoor before. Do you have any idea how many paddling' I took for Jade when we were in the Christian school"

"I said IN the backdoor. I didn't say **on **the backdoor"

"I don't care," I said, "I'd rather open my backdoor then have Jade's front door forced open ever again"

Charm's point of view

I was convinced the love Jade had for Willow was pure. She was willing to relive her worst nightmare for Willow's sake. Beck's love for Willow and Jade was pure. He would go to the ends of the earth and back for her. He was even willing to subject himself to rape in order to protect Jade and Willow.

Jade's point of view

Charm started barking excitedly.

"Okay," he said, "Listen here's the deal. Willow's in remission"

"What? How?"

Beck's point of view

You have proved that you love unconditionally. Jade, you suffered through your rape again. Beck you were even willing to suffer so Jade wouldn't have to. Pure love is love that is rewarded. That's the rule every time"

* * *

_This is the end of BROKEN BUT NOT DESTROYED but please don't worry. I'm having a sequel to the story and it starts today_


End file.
